AN ELVIS MELLON CHRISTMAS

COPYRIGHT 2005

A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION  

PART # 2
The Visigoth entered standard Earth orbit –cloaked and heavily shielded as a
precaution against prying eyes and sensors.  

Doctor Sax and Sedgwick stood in front of the large  bay window in the Visigoths
lounge, gazing out at the beautiful planet below as  Sedgwick was pointing out all of
the countless man made debris floating by in decaying orbits. “Look at all that crap
–Doc!! Old rocket boosters, satellites, junk,  and look at all the deforestation going
on in Africa, South America, Malaysia and the rest of the planet! Jeeeeeze no
wonder Elvis doesn’t come back here that much!!” The Doc thoughtfully folded his
arms and scratched his chin with his right  hand. “Yeah, these people are their own
worst enemy and some of their governments or at least certain branches and
factions of those  governments are collaborating with the Draco and Grays for the

Promise of technology and power.” Elvis was sitting at the corner of the bar closest
to them and he heard the last comment. “Yeah, I hear ya Doc, My gut tells me that
the Draco or their human allies had something to do with the kidnapping or maybe
it was one of their non human allies.” The Doc shot him a piercing look. “You mean
the “Slime” or the S.M.C?”  (Super mutant Cockroaches) Sedgwick showed his teeth
with his lips curled back ( which in Chimp facial language means aggression-  and  
with lips uncurled – just showing teeth- it means-  SUBMISSION ) “I cant stand
either  of those assholes ! Remember how hard it was to get all of the slimy crap out
of the Viking that time?! And those

Friggin Cockroaches were almost impossible to kill and they are such liars!”  Elvis
visibly shuddered and clutched the edge of the bar.“WHAT did I tell you about
mentioning them?!”  The chimp smiled submissively as  he walked over to join    the
others (Zik, Hector, Smoky, Grond and  the new arrival from below decks- “Thor” –
the big German Shepard -also genetically enhanced like the chimps and Smoky –
who spent  most of his time in the engine room, engineering and the science labs
and seldom came on missions with the crew but preferred  to keep Virgil company
and to occasionally piss off the cat- but he had decided to  come up for a break)    
and they  were all
across the room from the bay window in the giant holo vid-screen section of the
lounge,  where the could all relax and sit comfortably on comfy chairs and couches
(except Zik who was perfectly comfortable on his many “feet” and or sitting on his
gigantic “Tarantula” like abdomen)   watching Albert Finney in “Scrooge”,  the 1970
Musical based on a “A Christmas Carol.”  Elvis pushed his empty mug towards
“Nick” the holographic bartender who looked at him and the Doc and said. “That
does it. Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the window!”  Elvis got up
from his stool and nodded to the Doc to follow him as he joined   the movie goers.
“Don’t get too involved you guys, Virgil is firing up the Vikings engines so we can
cruise down to Nevada and meet the Prez.”  Zik (who was sitting behind everyone

in their chairs) sounded annoyed. “But my favorite part is coming up with Alec
Guinness as Bob Marley!” Elvis took his hat off and hit the spider with it. “NOT Bob
Marley –YOU IDIOT!!!  JACOB MARLEY!! I would like to see Alec Guinness in
dread locks saying-  “Hey Blood Clot I is Da Rastafari ghost of Bob Marley -PRAISE
JA!!” (LAUGHTER FROM EVERYONE) Zik put his head down and said-sheepishly-
“Well, anyway….we should pause   it here.”  Virgil appeared as Bob Marley,  but
dressed in 1840’s London fashion and wrapped in heavy chains ,  his mouth tied
shut with rags wrapped around his head and  he was semi- translucent like a spirit.
He untied his jaw and his mouth fell open and in Bob Marley’s Jamaican accent
said- “Da Viking be ready to descend to Earth, I will see ya all aboard.” Minutes
later the Viking was cloaked and entering Nevada airspace as it morphed into a big
Tour bus.
Despite its being the end of November, the Nevada desert in the heat of the day

was still around 100 degree’s and the only things stirring in the desert sun were
scorpions,  tumbleweeds and the black bus with government plates that stopped at
the forbidding front gate of Area 51. The armed Military personnel motioned for
the driver to step out and present his identification. A tall black man in a dark suit
and dark, square Government Issue Ray-ban sunglasses stepped down and showed
the Sgt. His “Black Ops” Identification and papers stamped with the Presidents
official seal. One phone call confirmed his I.D and they waved the bus in. The guard
was sure he had seen the agent before but couldn’t place it, and then it dawned on
him that the guy could have been the actor/rapper Will Smith’s Doppelganger!    
“That’s funny! Just like in  the movie!!”  He chuckled to himself and then suddenly
got a weird feeling, but the bus was already disappearing into the dust and heat
waves as it entered the inner compound of the clandestine research facility.

Once inside the top level underground facility’s parking garage Elvis Mellon and his
entourage, with Virgil/Will Smith in the lead –all filed out and walked past the
guards at the reception area. They had gotten a call from the Presidents chief
advisor to let them through and don’t ask questions or tell anyone who or what
they saw.  That was good advice because the two guards were trying to maintain
their composure when they saw what was coming towards them. A  giant of a man  
with a beard and beer gut, ( behind the Black ops agent )  holding a large gray cat
and a cocktail glass ,  followed by two chimpanzee’s wearing silver capes and blue
shorts, a German Shepard with a red bandana around its neck,  a weird looking man
in a long black trench coat, scarf, floppy hat and long curly blond hair, a nine foot
tall , lime green, hairy humanoid creature that made

the guy with the beard and cat look small and last but not least, a spider the size of
a midsized car and looking like it was carved from glass or amethyst. They all
nodded and winked as they went through the open door into the big freight elevator
and the huge spider said “God bless America” and raised a clawed appendage in a
type of salute. The guards stared straight ahead at full attention despite the fact
that one of them had just soiled himself.
They were all crammed into the elevator around Zik, with the top of Gronds head
almost touching the ceiling. The elevator stopped at the 10th floor (going down) and
the large freight door opened onto a huge “reception” area and several Marines
with rifles aimed at them. Virgil had morphed into the late actor “Michael Renny”
(* best known for his starring role in the classic 1950’s sci-fi film “The Day the
Earth stood still” and an episode of “Lost in Space” titled “The Keeper” where an
alien zoo keeper in a gigantic zoo star ship lands near the Robinsons camp and all
the huge space monsters get loose and run rampant through the camp.)
Virgil/Michael Renny had the same silver space suit that Mr. Renny wore in the film

And he and Elvis Mellon boldly walked out into the vast room with its high ceiling’s
and bright lights, with its countless doorways and passageways. The Marines kept
their rifles trained on them as scientists in white lab coats, Bureaucrats in three   
piece suits, various military personnel;  including high ranking officers and enlisted
men and women -  passed too and fro,  all staring at the strange group. Elvis sipped
his drink and put the cat down as the door to the elevator closed behind Zik.  The
crowds parted enough for Elvis to see an honor guard of Navy, Marines, Army and
Air force personnel, with Secret service agents –all standing around a distinguished
looking man with silver hair.  The lead marine with the rifle blinked when the cat at
his feet looked up and said - “Are the guns really necessary?”  Elvis Mellon ignored
the no smoking signs and lit an unfiltered camel.“You do realize we are all bullet
proof?” (Referring to the impenetrable shields their “watches” were generating)
The President nodded and the marines held their rifles barrel up and stood at

attention. “Elvis, good to see you- buddy! Fella’s, welcome to Area 51-again.”  
At the same time that  Elvis Mellon and his crew  saluted  the  President of the
United States -   in another undisclosed location ( surprisingly not that far from
Nevada…) Kris Kringle was having troubled dreams of monsters and giant insects
when he awakened with a slap across the face. He woke up, hungry and sore from a
beating. He ached from sleeping chained to a hard, cold metal bench , as did his two
elves who were now waking up on the cold ceme
nt floor of a the small cell. The
same hooded and robed figure stood in front of him as another one just like him
held out a tray with three bowls of some kind of soup and several sandwiches. The
three prisoners anxiously took the food and ravenously downed  it all. Santa glared
at his captors. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but the soup was tepid and had
bugs in it and the sandwich bread was moldy and the meat tasted like it was from a
dead rat!

I am an old man; you can’t treat us like this!! Who are you?! What do you want with
us??!”  The robed figure took  the empty bowls back and hesitated and its robed
head turned to the one standing in front of Santa with some kind of metal rod in its
hand. “You know what we want!!  Just tell us what we want to know and we shall
set you free!! Pray we don’t just sift your mind and TAKE what we want! Then you
will be a blabbering idiot with the mind of a three year old!! You will have no
control of your waste elimination or any other bodily functions!!” DO NOT TRY MY
PATIENCE!!”  The mysterious figure held the metal rod for a moment to both elves
faces and they screamed in agony.  “I will come back in one hour and you had

Better start talking!!” Kris couldn’t help but notice that the gloved hand seemed to
have an empty or limp “finger” as though the “man” ( he assumed by the deep-
metallic voice…but if it was synthesized…who knows? ) was missing a finger….or
was born with only four? He filed that away mentally and tried to telepathically
reach beyond the dampening field. Back at Area 51- deep in the bowels of the
Earth, The President gestured for them to follow him and HIS entourage of staff
and protection down the corridor and into a large office where the President
instructed his people to wait outside. Once behind closed doors, he opened the
bottom drawer of a large wooden desk and pulled out a large ceramic jug and some
plastic cups.
“Gentlemen, may I interest you all in some authentic Arkansas Moonshine?”
Everyone but Zik, Virgil and the cat nodded yes. Virgil smiled and addressed the
President- “Sir, it was nice seeing you but now if you will forgive me, I will be
withdrawing my holographic form back to the Viking to run some diagnostics (
turning to Elvis ) but I will monitoring your conversations and if you address me I
can answer through Elvis’s watch.” The President nodded and shook Virgil’s

holographic hand. “Amazing, it feels like a warm human hand! Nice to see you
Virgil, you’re amazing!”  As Virgil faded  out,  the President poured the clear liquid
into several cups and placed one on the floor for the big dog. “Elvis, I know you and
your crew here will be able to find Santa Claus and help us secure the planet and
our beloved country against any hostile extratestrial interests.” Elvis passed
around a “hand rolled” cigarette and the Doc smiled and took it, inhaling deeply
“Well, sir (Elvis looked down at his cup) we don’t have to tell you that the Galactic
federation is keeping quarantine and a blockade around this planet
But you and I both know that members of your own Government are in league with
the Draco and their stooges the Grays and as long as that is going on, we can only
do so much for you.”  Grond now had the “funny cigarette” and handed it to the
President –“Thank you Grond, I better not …I am on the job” and handed it to

Elvis who held it so Smoky (who was sitting on the desk ) could have a toke .“Yeah  
DON’T INHALE!!” they all laughed and   Grond grinned at the President.  “Mr.
President , ME LIKE YOU!!”  And he   grabbed the President in a massive “Bear
hug” as Elvis and Doc  Sax shouted for him to let the world leader  go and then had
to pull Gronds arms away from him. The President looked startled for a moment
but regained his
Composure, straightening his suit and running  his hands through his hair. “That’s
O.K, I LIKE YOU TO Grond!”  Zik was looking rather scrunched up with his legs
folded under him and his abdomen up against the door. “Uhhh, Mr. President, do
you ever see Monika anymore?” The President noticed Elvis kick one of Zik’s legs

and he turned to Elvis and grinned. “You know that I got blamed for that stain on
her dress, you son of a bitch!!” and he chuckled.  Elvis sheepishly grinned . “Sorry
sir, it was ….an accident.”   “YEAH- he was aiming for her hair!” (Raucous laughter
from everyone) The President wiped tears from his eyes- “Good one Sedgwick!”
The chimp jumped up and down and screeched in the chimp equivalent of laughter.
The President grew serious and after they finished their drinks and Elvis ate the
“roach” (NO-not the bug…) The President gestured for them to accompany him
elsewhere. With the secret service and honor guard trailing them, he led to them to
a set of double doors marked “ULTRA- TOP SECRET” and after placing his face up
to a retina scan the doors slid open and they followed him in.

They piled into a very large laboratory with rows of tall cylindrical shaped
transparent glass or plasteel containers with  various shaped and different sized
bodies inside. The bodies were clearly of an extratestrial variety and Elvis
immediately noticed how cold the room was. “Sir, is this a morgue?” Zik and the
chimps had already started running up to the different “cases” containing the
bodies of Grays and even a few reptilian –Draco among others. “Well, Elvis- some
of these specimens are not dead but in a type of suspended animation.” Smoky and
Thor were chasing each other around the lab like a typical dog and cat while the  
Doc and Grond were looking at several tables covered with exotic looking
equipment and very high tech looking computers.
The President stopped in front of one of the cylindrical tubes that had a Gray
floating inside it. “I suppose you know all about these guys my friend?"  Elvis
nodded and pulled his cocktail glass out of his sport coat’s inner pocket and then a
flask, which he uncapped and poured. “Oh yes, I wont bore you Mr. President but I
have a love / hate relationship with these guys. There’s at least three  different sub
species NOT to even mention the Gray/Human hybrids and we have one of them in
my crew,  but he is back at Non station K.L.S.D doing my Rock and Roll show.” The
President shook his head. “This is still all so incredible to me Elvis; you really live
in a big asteroid with a pirate radio station inside it? And you have (gesturing to the

Body in the tube) one of these guys in your posse and doing your radio show?”
(Chuckling) Elvis offered the President the flask, which he declined. “Yes sir, one of
the Draco’s shock troop cyborg clones-  defected awhile ago to Colonel T.P Sommo
and his men and he’s a real hoot!  we call him  Thirteen  because his designation
was “thirteen and a half.”  Elvis was watching Grond rummage through some
containers on the table as he talked to the President.  “Why was he called Thirteen
and a half?” Elvis shrugged and sipped his Jim Beam. “Well they just have numbers,
NOT names and apparently not all the Draco are humorless"  ( Elvis leaned towards
the President and lowered his voice to a whisper )  “Unlike most Grays, Thirteen  is
hung like a horse!”
They both laughed and Smoky’s ears turned  like radar dishes in the

direction of Elvis’s deep syrupy voice. “Its NOT THAT BIG…..”  Elvis grinned and
looked down at the cat.  “HOW would you know?” Grond turned and walked over to
them and Elvis and the cat noticed he was eating something. “Little buddy DO have
big wiener!!”  Smoky shook his head adamantly.  “YES-for His species –IT’S large,
BUT it is NOT anywhere near the size of a Horse’s “Johnson!”  The President
looked embarrassed and now the whole crew (that was present) and several
scientists, who had been working in the background, were all listening to the
conversation. Elvis grinned devilishly at the cat. “How the Hell do you know how
big a horse’s Johnson is?? You’re beginning to scare me!! Jeeeeeze, ya think you
know someone…….”   
The cat looked pissed off. “I know how big a horses Johnson is because of your
MOVIES!! The ones you, the Colonel AND Thirteen  are always watching!!” Doctor
Sax

leaned close to Elvis and the cat.  “I can’t believe you are standing in Area 51 with
the President of the United States and HAVING THIS conversation! And Grond,
WHAT ARE YOU EATING?!!”  Everyone looked at Grond who was putting the last
of some kind of brown, putrid meat in his mouth. “ME DON’T KNOW, But IT
TASTE GOOD!!” One of the scientists, a beautiful Japanese American woman with
her hair pulled back in a pony tail and wearing a white lab coat,  came over
excitedly.“You didn’t just get that out from the table over there did you??!!” Grond
nodded as he chewed. The scientist, who’s name was Mizuki Mizawa, went white as
a ghost and looked from Grond to the President. “sir, that was a sample of one of the
Extratestrial biological entities we were dissecting!! God knows what  space born
diseases or virus’s its carrying, let alone whether its poisonous to ( gesturing to
Grond ) this.. ..Um…Creatures system!!!” Elvis grabbed the scientist’s lapels.

“Maam, Please show us what type of Extratestrial this was!” The scientist led them
all over to a tube containing a horrible looking creature that looked like it belonged
in a nightmare. Elvis laughed- “Oh, IT’S just a Chubacabra!! Grond has eaten
plenty of them!!”  The scientist’s and the President looked at Grond and Elvis like
they had lost their minds. The President cleared his throat. “Well, speaking of
Johnson’s, (nodding to the pretty scientist) we have something we wanted you to
see and it’s why I asked you to meet me here.” Mizuki removed a metal tray from a
refrigeration unit against the back wall. He walked it over to where Elvis Mellon
and the President were standing with the Doc and Grond and she opened the sealed
lid, removing a small cigar shaped object with a pair of tweezers. She held it to the
light for everyone to get a better look at it.  Doctor Sax did a double take and
grabbed the scientist’s wrist.

“Wait a minute!? THAT is a Gray’s penis!!”   Mizuki  smiled and nodded, eager to
have someone of knowledge to talk to.  “Indeed, that is what we concluded. It has
these strange marking on it – here (pointing to jagged looking dents) it appears to
have been bitten or ripped off.”  “OUCH!!” Elvis Mellon bent over as if in pain.   
“THAT- had to have hurt!!” All of the males in the room collectively shivered.
Thor, the large German Sheppard barked several times and then said in a deep
voice-  “HEY THOSE are REINDEER TEETH MARKS!!” Everyone looked at Thor,
including Zik-who’s eyes all rotated towards the
Dog.   “How do you know that?!!” Elvis nodded, agreeing with Zik. –“Yeah, how the
HELL do you know that??!” Thor waged his tail. " I have the Galactic equivalent to
several Masters Degree’s in zoology, biology, Cyrptozoology  and   I watch the
National Geographic channel, they did just had a special on reindeer.” Elvis smiled
and held his glass up in a toast.  “Excellent work, Thor! You get a Scooby snack for

that one!!” Everyone laughed (except the very serious Mizuki) and the dog barked-
“As long as it’s NOT THAT!” Grond grinned at the dog.  “ME EAT IT!!” The Doc
and Elvis both took their hats off and hit the big green giant with them.  “YOU don’
t want to eat THAT!!” “YEAH – ME DO…..” Smoky looked up at the little Gray
penis. “Well it appears some reindeer ALREADY tried to eat it!” Elvis grinned at
the cat and then looked at the shriveled “member.”  “Well it shouldn’t be too hard
to track down a Gray with a missing Pecker!” (RAUCOUS LAUGHTER…)

TO BE CONTINUED….  
MENU DIRECTORY
PART # 3
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