From: the office of Boris Rudenevsky –Chairman of “Project Falling Star” – Joint Mission between Institute # 22 and Ministry of Defense. 14
To –Captain Nikoli Krenshenovkoff of Russian Typhoon class sub. “Leningrad” Currently patrolling waters near 17.8 N. Latitude 65.7 Longitude
Captain- I have received your communiqué of this most unusual and decoded transmission from the extratestrial star craft to the location near which you patrol.
Our top scientists and decoders are trying to make sense of this. You say you locked into French Navy’s –“Marine Nationale” Le Truimphant class sub. “Temperaire’s” signal as they intercepted this transmission from the British Ship HMS “Lancaster”? The waters off that island must be very crowded. Here is what we have translated so far with our interpretations of what this means.-
“ From Starcraft “Visigoth” orbiting high over the western hemisphere.
Elvis Mellon : HEY SMOKY WHERE ARE MY CLEAN SOX?
Smoky : YOU HAVE A WHOLE GODDAMMED DRAWER FULL OF CLEAN SOX AND A REPLICATOR TO MAKE AS MANY CLEAN SOX AS YOU COULD EVER WANT- WHEN DID I BECOME YOUR F@#$ING MAID??!!!
(We have heard of these Elvis Mellon- very strange stories about this “Americanski” He took out our top K.G.B agents and those of T.H.R.U.S.H and S.P.E.C.T.R. E and even the Yanks – C.I.A-F.B.I , Britain’s MI5 and MI6 – then he shows up on old television shows and appearances in Las Vegas- ( I want to retire there but the wife wants to go to Minsk ) Very strange one this Elvis Mellon- and “Smoky” – intel says he looks like a Feline? A big Cat?? Mne nasrat’, chto ty dumesh”!! THAT’S JUST CRAZY!! Sox must be some secret weapon? Replicator? Like on “Star Trek Next Generation”? Ahueyet !!! we are still working on it…)
Elvis Mellon : ALRIGHT !! WISEASS – I FOUND EM! NOW – WHERE DID YOU PUT MY AFTERSHAVE? THE “ HI KARATE” ? I COULDN’T FIND IT IN MY DUFFLEBAG!!?
Smoky: ( Low growl….) ASK VIRGIL WHERE YOUR FRIGGIN AFTERSHAVE IS!! WHY DON’T YOU JUST SPLASH SOME BOOZE ON YOURSELF- YOU SMELL LIKE A DISTILLERY MOST OF THE TIME ANYWAY!! CHECK THE LEFT TOP HAND DRAWER OF THE BLUE DRESSER! I SAW SOME IN THERE!
Elvis Mellon: WHAT WERE YOU DOING NOSING IN MY DRAWERS?
Smoky: I WAS LOOKING FOR A REVOLVER OR A LASER CANNON TO PUT YOU OUT OF MY MISERY!! YOU ASKED ME TO FIND YOUR CUFF LINKS WITH THE PLAYBOY BUNNY LOGO FROM HEF. REMEMBER?? JEEEEEEEEEEZE- CUT DOWN ON THE BOOZE –ER TAKE SOME GINKO BILOBA ER SOMETHING!
( Hi Karate?? Aftershave? Must be code for truth serum. I heard they torture those reptilian aliens they have captured on that facility ran by that X. character! This Cabo Diablo Island is supposed to be a dangerous and weird place! We sent expedition there in 1883 but the ship never came back…..Putnin is sending a “Rep.” a Federal Security agent or some such nonsense. Good luck with that! )
Elvis Mellon: O.K – I WILL BE BACK DOWN IN A HALF HOUR. TELL X. I AM BRINGING THAT CASE OF REMY MARTIN AND A VAT OF VIRGIL’S SPECIAL CHILI. CAN I BRING YOU ANYTHING?
Smoky; YEAH A SOBER BOSS WHO REMEMBERS WHERE HIS SOX AND AFTERSHAVE ARE KEPT AND A CASE OF CANNED SALMON AND DON’T FORGET THAT 50 GALLON DRUM OF “ROCKET FUEL” FOR ZIK.
Elvis Mellon: ANYTHING ELSE ?
Smoky: WELL – JUST HURRY UP- WE ARE GETTING SPACE/TIME VORTEX REFUGEE’S IN AS QUICK AS WE GET RID OF THEM! WE SEND THEM BACK TO THEIR PROPER TIME AND PLACE AND MORE COME THROUGH! N0W WE HAVE SOME FAMILY ON VACATION FROM HAWAII- CIRCA 1972 OR 73…THEY AREN’T EXACTLY HANDLING A FRIGGIN GIGANTIC CUT GLASS SPIDER TALKING LIKE BOB NEWHART OR A TALKING CAT WEARING BIFOCALS WITH COLONEL T.P SOMMO DOING HIS BORIS KARLOFF IMPRESSIONS HALF DRUNK- AS THEIR WELCOMING COMMITTEE- AT LEAST YOU COULD BULLSHIT THEM INTO THINKING THEY ARE ON A MOVIE SET OR BACK STAGE AT YOUR TV VARIETY SHOW.
Elvis Mellon : THAT SHOW GOT CANCELLED
Smoky: THEY DON’T KNOW THAT- IT WAS STILL ON IN 72!
Elvis Mellon ( singing in Elvis Presley voice ) “VIVA CABO DIABLO BABY!! OVER AND OUT!
Rocket fuel? For ZIK-what is a Zik? "Vsyo govno, krome mochee" Are they putting a missile base there? Remy Martin? Czarist pigs!! You would think Boris Yeltzin was there- Maybe he came through space/time vortex ( laughter ) is that all they do? Eat and drink? Send ME there!!!...... Well that is all we have for now- send more when you get it. Keep patrolling the area and steer clear of those French bastards and Limeys – and we will keep you posted!
CABO DIABLO'S GUEST BUNGALOWS FOR V.I.P'S
REGULAR PERSONNEL QUARTERS AT CABO DIABLO
FROM LEFT TO RIGHT BELOW- MORE REFUGEE'S FROM THE SPACE/TIME VOERTEX FIND THEMSELVES ON THE BEACHS OF CABO DIABLO