TRANSMISSION INTERCEPTED BY HMS LANCASTER -
CLASSIFICATION: TOP TOP SECRET!! 15
To Central Intelligence agency- Foreign operative –identification and retrieval sub section # 4 – C.R
Langsford acting section chief.
C.C : Majestic 12 –c/o Bureau of extraterestrial biological entities threat assessment and
information dept. Floor 15 sub basement 21. Doctor Kurt Vanleifheimer acting bureau chief.
From Central Intelligence agent and acting representative -Dirk Mckinley
–for agency on Project X- operation- “Devils Doorway” at “Cabo Diablo”
Sir, you asked me to report back when I could and to get close to Elvis Mellon and his “crew” and
extratestrial associates and to the acting facilities chief Mr. X. Your words I believe were “Do what ever
you have to do to earn their trust and to make friends.”
Well sir I have been doing just that much to the regret of my liver and rational mental faculties. If I
may speak candidly sir this place is an insane asylum run by the lunatics.
Yes the various branches of our military are following protocol and staying within the parameters of
all rules and regulations of their respective service but they have orders from the President himself to
obey Mr. X and Elvis Mellon and they have Army privates, Marines and Naval seaman acting as
“Cabana boys” fetching them drinks and ice and lighting their smokes and flipping their prime rib
and giant shrimp on the barbecue and
Then having them join them for games of Quarters and Beer bongs while on duty.
I realize that is not our concern but I thought this was a mission of the up most importance and with
the fate of our very existence and way of life at stake if we don’t stop these extratestrial reptilians – the
“Draco” and those Gray humanoids from getting their hands on that Atlantean machinery causing the
space/time vortex?! You would think we were at a college fraternity house or Spring break! We finally
make first contact with extratestrials from other planets and in this Galactic alliance and they send
Formerly from our own planet and some kind of radical Rock and roll Pirate dj and intergalactic
media celebrity (not to mention drunk) and that gigantic neurotic crystal spider?! The only sane one
is a friggin talking cat wearing those 1960’s square plastic bifocals-a TALKING CAT!! The other
ambassador and former Earth Human Colonel T.P Sommo walks around dressed like a cross between
General Patton and Napoleon and I realize his credentials as a former Special forces and black ops
officer are impressive and his military skills are legendary but he spends most of his time in helping
Elvis kill half gallons of moonshine and shooting bottles off the spiders abdomen-You should have
seen what happened when he accidentally missed and shot the glass of bourbon out from under Elvis’
s hand !! You would think that he shot Elvis’s puppy!! He went nuts !! Yelling and screaming and he
chased the Colonel down the beach brandishing an empty bottle of Jim Beam-JESUS!! Then we had to
hear about it for hours as if they don’t have an infinite Ocean of booze with those alien – er
extratestrial technology- “replicator’s” on that fancy Star Ship Elvis calls home when not lounging at
his bungalow here on the island. Don’t get me wrong-I really like the guy and he has this charisma….
He charmed the pants off this family from 1972 Hawaii on vacation when they got sucked into the
vortex and he told them Zik the spider was the latest Walt Disney created animatronics contraption
for his Elvis Mellon variety hour. He brought out Bob Hope and Charlie Callas who both thought they
were off Vietnam entertaining troops and they bought it!! The British agent Nigel Sparks –who I
bunk with, is spending less time reporting in to his department and more time watching Elvis Mellon
and X. play “How many Draco and Grays can a Chubacabra eat?” They take prisoners that don’t want
to give up any information or defect to the alliance and let them loose in the jungle after having not
fed their Chubacabras for a day or two!! God help me I am starting to love it here!!
The morale couldn’t be higher and Elvis’s special team of divers and X’s commando’s along with the
Navy have succeeded in destroying the half completed Draco base but they have already sent
reinforcements and engineers back through the vortex to avoid the blockade the alliance set up
around our planet. Elvis says now we have plenty of time to relax and take it easy. You asked me to
report on those other vortex refugee’s- well the Vestal Virgins from Rome were sent back to their
proper time and place- I don’t how many are still virgins after Elvis , the Colonel and X “interviewed
and debriefed” them .
The one armed Samurai who knows exactly where and when he is and wants to stay-
makes a great fry cook and does a mean sushi platter. Roosevelt had a memory wipe and went back.
The pirates are still here and the German U –Boat crew- Elvis says they are just having too much fun
drinking with them. Another associate of Elvis’s turned up- a Human looking guy they call “Doc. Sax”
who looks like he’s straight out of a Tom Baker “Doctor Who” convention but Elvis tells me they
actually based "Doctor Who" on him when he and Elvis went to 1962 Britain to see the Beatles play at
the Cavern club- and some B.B.C execs and news men saw he and Elvis beam out by using a Police
box- this Doctor Sax treated a young lady who fainted and called himself “The Doctor” – and was
wearing a big floppy hat and long scarf and duster rain coat to his ankles and the rest is history. He
doesn’t talk much and I think he’s some kind of mercenary too or mad scientist and he pals around
with this 9 foot tall hairy green thing like a huge ape with a mouth big enough to eat a watermelon
whole and he(the green thing ) talks like Tarzan “Me called GROND what you name?” He says to me-
his name is apparently Grond and they could bottle his bad gas as a deadly weapon. He and the little
Gray defector guy are buddies- they walk around together like Laurel and Hardy-It’s a real freak show
sir but I am starting to earn the trust of the "major players" here on the island. I wont let you down.
That is all for now- signing off.
THE SPACE/TIME VORTEX
UNITED NETWORK COMMAND FOR
LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENTS TRAINING
AT CABO DIABLO -BELOW
CABO DIABLO NAVAL COMMADER
CREW OF ONE OF THE NAVY SUBS
ASSIGNED TO THE ISLAND
GRIM FACED CAPTAIN OF THIS CHARTER BOAT
WITH PASSENGERS LOST OFF CABO DIABLO
RUSSIAN TYPHOON CLASS SUB.
"LENINGRAD ENCOUNTERS THE PIRATE
PRIVATE SECTOR BILLIONAIRE
FUNDING WORK ON CABO DIABLO
8TH ARMYS 6TH CAVALRY BRIGADE (
HELPS OUT AT CABO DIABLO
MR. SMOKEY IN A REFLECTIVE MOMENT
IN HIS GUEST BUNGALOW
PATROLLING THE WATERS OFF CABO DIABLO
PSYCHIATRIC UNIT ( SEE''S A LOT OF TRAFFIC )
THESE GUYS MADE A WRONG TURN...
THIS CRUISE SHIP STAFF AND CREW at right
THINK THEY ARE IN JAMAICA
THESE TWO at lowerRIGHT HAD THEIR OWN TIME MACHINE
AND GOT CAUGHT IN THE CABO DIABLO- VORTEX
THIS LOS ANGELES DETECTIVE IS HAVING PROBLEMS
WITH THIS SPACE/TIME ISSUE- HERE SEEN IN X's OFFICE
This file is not intended to be viewed directly using a web browser. To create a viewable file, use the Preview in Browser or Publish to Yahoo! Web Hosting commands from within Yahoo! SiteBuilder.