Transmission intercepted by HMS Lancaster –

As translated into English from French


To; the office of Pierre Sassone –Office of Ministry of Defense  
-French sovereignty threat assessment- division # 9 .                                                        16

From; Sub Commander Jules Moudelaine -Commanding Le Triumphant class Nuclear submarine
“Temeraire”

As instructed patrolling waters off the island of Cabo Diablo :  approximately   16.5 North Latitude
64.6 Longitude. – The island not recognized as existing by any world government
Yet hosting an American run facility posted with British and Russian Government agents as well as an
international assortment of Mercenaries run by the infamous “X” rumored former handyman of
several megalomaniacs bent on world domination with lots of initials in their clandestine terrorist
organizations –S.P.E.C.T.R.E  , S.ME.R.SH ,  - T.H.R.U.S.H etc –and soldier of fortune and ex
French Foreign  legionnaire – along with the equally infamous Elvis Mellon and Colonel T.P Sommo  
- of which intel from   Interpol and our allies in the C.I.A  and MI5 and MI6 among others sources
that state that these two are  classified as “extratestrial” by way of now living off world and traveling
aboard extratestrial built spacecraft and allegedly are now “Ambassadors” of this “Galactic alliance”
that supposedly exists. (MERDE)   
I am a sub commander in the “Marine Nationale” what do I know of these matters?!!  You asked
me to listen and watch for anything and this is what we got from one of the C.I.A agents on the island-

To :  Office of Central Intelligence agency foreign operative –identification and retrieval  sub section
# 4 C.R Langsford acting chief-

From : Central Intelligence agency and acting representative –Dirk McKinley-for agency on “Project
X” Operation “Devils Doorway”

Sir- I was able to record and transmit this conservation I was privy to between myself, Elvis Mellon, X
, Mr. Smoky, Colonel T.P Sommo, and several of the Extratestrial  biological  entities such as the
crystalline spider “Zik”, "13" the Gray - defector who now working as Colonel T.P Sommo's aide    
and the new arrivals Doctor Sax and “Grond” – this took place on the veranda of X’s office at sunset
of  Sept 30 while engaging in some “R& R”-  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMOKY- "GENTLEMEN -and I use that term loosely ....lets get this briefing started. Mr. X here
will give us a summary of the latest actions taken against the underwater Draco "encursion" - with the
aid of their creepy little underlings - the "Grays" - and the faction of those turned into cyborg clones -
SORRY - "13"
( looking at the spindly , large headed "Extratestrial" - the defected Gray - "13" now
Colonel T.P Sommo's aide - sitting next to him and identically dressed - like him. )


13 - "None taken sir...."   

SMOKY-  " We know a major victory was won - setting the Draco back weeks or months in
construction of their base and gaining access to the half buried in the Ocean floor- Atlantean
machinery generating that God dammed vortex  and causing all of this weird shit- to paraphrase Elvis-
X you remember the Doc.?"  

X- “Well if it isn’t my old pal Doc. Sax - I haven’t seen you since that little incident in El Salvador  
when you and Elvis  showed up posing as Catholic Priests…
.( Smoky – interrupting.. ..) “And you
weren’t struck by lightening?”

Doctor Sax-  “Hello X- good to see you as well. That must have been when we stole the Atlantean
power generator from those old ruins…before the Contras- WHO YOU were working with....BUT
WE wont hold that against you-  -  found it and used it against the Sandinistas-  this
( gesturing to
large Green furry  ape like creature  next to him )
here is my first mate aboard “The Beowulf”- my
ship- his name is “Grond”- say hello Grond”

Grond- “Hello Grond”

Doc. Sax-  “NO- I meant-  SAY HELLO TO MR. X”


Grond- “oh...me understand- Hello Mr. X- ME GLAD MEET”

X- “NICE to meet you Grond- that’s some hand shake you got- Jesus he almost yanked my arm out
of its socket!”

Elvis Mellon- “Wait till you see him eat…..just don’t stand too close to his mouth”

Grond _ “ HA HA  you funny Elvis-  me laugh….har har har….”

Colonel T.P Sommo -"Hey wheres "Fish and Chips"?..the Brit. Agent Sparks?"

X- "He is getting a tour of the labratory and the refugee "debriefing center" with Rodriguez and that
pain in the ass Johnson...I will fill him in later...."

Elvis Mellon- "I heard from Rodriguez that Russia is sending us a representitive from their "Federal
security"-  Maybe its Boris Bandeoff!!"


( laughter and boo's...)


Smoky- “O.k lets cut the chatter and get down to business-  X- brief us on the latest intel concerning
the Draco base”


X -“my divers reported that those dammed  Draco reptiles ( Smoky – interrupts-) “Reptilians” -
What ever!!- F$%%ing walking Lizards with bad attitudes and no taste in music is what I call them!!
(
laughter and knee slapping from everyone-  Elvis’s laughter drowning out most  everyone’s except the
deep
cackle of the Colonel ) WELL –they caused heavy casualties with naval personnel and some of
my men  but we got em back and took out about 30 of those sons of bitchs with thermite grenades  
and those lazer cannons your Galactic alliance chums provided.”


Colonel T.P Sommo-  “what did they do with the bodies?”

X- “Why did you have something special in mind? We followed standard Galactic confederation
protocol with disposal of extratestrial biological entities – we incinerated  most and shipped several
specimens to Area 51.”

Colonel T.P Sommo – “Their dammed good eating boy!!  Grill em with some garlic and melted
butter and a little lemon- or smother them with barbecue sauce…mmmmmmm….just like chicken…er
Mako Shark!!”   

Grond- “ME LIKE EAT DRACO!!”

Doctor Sax- “YOU like eating  anything …..Which reminds me….the chubacabras here are for
perimeter patrol….DONT EAT THEM!”

Agent McKinley-  “He….He EATS chubacabras?”

Grond- “ME ONLY EAT ONE ONCE…ME GET STOMACH ACHE”

Smokey-  “Enough of the food talk, there will plenty of time for that when we get this briefing out of
the way- You were saying X?”

X- “Those sons of bitchs laid down some heavy ordinance  on our ass’s with their submersible
warships –but we destroyed most of their superstructure and it will be weeks or months  before they
are able to rebuild”

Colonel T.P Sommo-  “I wish you let me know- I would  have  rounded up some of their cadavers
and had us a barbecue- those bastards ate seven of my men on Omega Centauri!”

Elvis Mellon- “Yeah but Princess Vipra – Zors sister told me we taste like shit to them- they just do
that to scare us.”

X-        “Wait a minute…YOU are FRIENDS with the Emperor of the Draco’s SISTER??!!”

Smoky-  “Zor is no longer the Emperor- "ARRRRRGGHH"  is now the emperor AND Vipra was
always a “friendly” she is a vegetarian and part of the faction that allied with us- and she has the hots
for Elvis bigtime!”
 ( laughter and whistles- catcalls- )

Colonel T.P Sommo –
“You throw her a shot yet?”

Elvis Mellon- NO!! ITS NOT LIKE THAT! And besides....she's married....   ( yelling at cat ) “Did
you have to say that??!!”

Smoky – “Well its true-  you should see her putting lipstick on that crocodile snout and fake
eyelashes on those cold Velociraptors eyes – she gets all tarted up when she comes aboard Visigoth”
(
more laughter and whistles and cat calls )

Agent Mckinley  
“TH, THE DRACO….eat people?”

Colonel T.P Sommo – “That’s was the last conversation – keep up son!!”

Smoky- “Don’t worry agent McKinley – you are  safe here”

Elvis Mellon- “Yeah the chubacabras and sea monsters will eat you before the Draco do!”
(Laughter….)

X-
“DAMMED SEA MONSTERS- they got 3 of my men last week- swallowed em whole!! What
good is the  f#$%ing  force field if the sea monsters get through? I want full reimbursement or 3 new
men by the way!”

“Agent Mckinley – “Sea monsters???....sw,swallowed them whole??”

Elvis Mellon-  “Just don’t go swimming past the cove- you’ll be alright- and don’t wear anything
shiny…”

Smoky- “Fill out the proper   paperwork later and I will forward the request to headquarters and you’
ll have some new meat by Thursday.”

Grond- “Me allowed eat sea monsters?”

(Entire group ) “NO!!!”

Smokey-  “between our replicators and our supplies we have anything you could possible want –
YOU JUST ATE A 50 GALLON DRUM OF CHILI- what do you have?- a tape worm??!!”

Grond-  “Speaking of chili…..” ( sound of horrible flatulence RRRRRRRRRRRIIPPPPPPPPPPPPP )
( shouting , gagging )

Doctor Sax-
“Jesus GROND WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT?!- GO DOWN TO  
THE BEACH WHEN YOU DO THAT!!”

Colonel T.P Sommo “Goddammed son- what crawled up your ass and died in there?! I bet if you
put your ass in the water and did that – you’d  kill every Draco down there!!”

(  laughter and guffaws )


Elvis Mellon- “Yeah and everything with in a 50 mile radius….”

Smoky—“ is this a briefing or playtime at the kindergarten for retards??!!”

Elvis Mellon-  “DUUUUUUHHHHHHH-  I don’t know…but I am getting awfully thirsty…..wink
wink……”

Smoky – “I must be psychic….some how I just knew you would say that!! …….X- pour him some
moonshine before he has seizures…and pour us all one if you don’t mind….and some rocket fuel for
Zik”
( sound of glasses  and ice clinking- )

Zik-  “THANK YOU SMOKEY-  AT least someone appreciates me……”

Colonel T.P Sommo-  “AHHHH HERE WE GO….poor friggin Zik…I am just a 2 ton giant spider
who’s mom the Queen neglected me because she laid about 300,000 eggs and they got more
attention and now I am  in  therapy and driving my friends crazy..…wahhhhhhh wahhhhhh poor
neurotic me ”

Zik- “  I  STOPPED GOING TO THERAPY 5 MONTHS AGO SMARTY PANTS!!”

Smoky- “I THINK WE BETTER WRAP THIS UP...BEFORE THE  KIDDIES GET UGLY!!
MEETING ADJOURNED!!”

X- “Hey Elvis- did Sherwood Schwartz really produce your variety show?”

Elvis Mellon- “Yes and my first guest star on the pilot in 69 was Tom Jones- we did that duet and
then we did that skit with Nipsy Russell.”

Agent Mckinley – “You had your own tv show in 1969? Wouldnt you have only been 7 then?”

Elvis Mellon- “It ran from 69 to 73 but technically I was 37 when I did it- its called time travel…..”

Smoky- “the last season he was on next to   "Kojak"  and the ratings sucked so they pulled the plug.

X- “that family  that came here from 1972 Hawaii-  they really bought that you were filming a
Christmas special!
Bob Hope and Charlie Callas seemed to really like you!”

Elvis Mellon- “that’s cause we met like a dozen times at - the Dean Martin roasts- Vegas and a few
times doing the USO tours- they thought they were in 1972 Vietnam so I wasn’t going to ruin the
illusion.”

Smoky-“if your through staggering down memory lane ….we have an intergalactic war to fight……”

Elvis Mellon-  Yes well – ( sound of gulping booze ) this moonshine needs to be consumed so it
doesn’t fall into the wrong hands….

Smoky- "We wouldn't want that to happen...and you ARE  the boss."

Elvis Mellon- "I am going to faint! Your actually    aknowledging I am your superior?? Are you feeling
o.k Smok? Can I get you anything?Aspirin?  Rat poison? Anvil to tie around your neck and drop you
in the Ocean?

Smoky- “Don’t you love me any more?”

( sound of Elvis lumbering towards cat and cat purring as Elvis scoops him up and hugs him )

Elvis Mellon
- “You know I do …but lets NOT go soft on me now!” ( purring….)

Zik-
“  I  think I am going to cry”

Colonel T.P Sommo- “you mean you actually have tear ducts in all of those eyes? Christ on a
cracker son!!- we’ll drown if you start bawling!!”
( laughter )

X-        “Well not to break up this love fest-  Johnson was talking with our radio man who tells us
there’s a Hurricane coming so we better turn up that force field and batten down the hatches . You
remember what came through the vortex last time we had one.

Agent McKinley- “What came through?  

X- “You don’t want to know my friend…you don’t want to know.”

Elvis Mellon- “it killed 3 chubacabras and ate 6 of your men” ( said towards X )

X-
“WELL – it ate 5 and a half men…Rodriguez found Kelly’s legs up in a tree- we think one of the
chubras’s  was saving them for a snack.”

Doc. Sax- “I miss all the fun- what the hell was it?”

Colonel T.P Sommo – “We never did find out what planet or part of Hell that thing came from but
it had Zik here running and screaming  like a school girl “

Zik-  “I did NOT run and scream like a school girl! I may have walked a little fast and let out a few
yelps…
..( everyone laughing )

Elvis Mellon-
“Yeah…when that thing came crawling out of the surf I thought Smoky had put some
pcp in my drink!”

Smoky- “Heavens forbid – it might have ruined your acid trip or vikidin milkshake with Jim Beam
and grain alcohol you were drinking that day.”

Elvis Mellon- “Hey I had a bad back!!…..WHY  is everyone looking at me like that?!....I DID have a
bad back!!”   

Agent Mckinley-  “Well – WHAT WAS THIS THING??!!!”

Smoky _ “I must have come through the vortex from some  primitive world somewhere…it made
Godzilla seem like a cuddly puppy!!”

X-        “WE BROUGHT OUT EVERYTHING WE HAD- TANKS- HOWITZERS ,
MISSLES- THAT MOTHER WOULD NOT  DIE!!

Elvis Mellon- “Finally Zik here realized hes made out a crystalline substance that’s harder then
Diamonds and that hes virtually indestructible and impossible to kill and he went and tied the thing
up with those steel cables he calls webs and he threw the thing on our /space/time portal-  our version
of the vortex but for return trips and sent that thing into deep space.”

Smoky- and that happened when we had our last hurricane and there’s no securing the vortex! Too
bad that thing didn’t eat all the Draco!!”
( laughter- glass’s clinking )

Elvis Mellon –
“Smoky- make sure that ends up in the my memoirs ”

Agent Mckinley –“Memoirs?

Elvis Mellon- “Yes son-  I am a bit of a media celebrity in most of the known galaxy…..comics,t-shirts,
books, movies,  rumor has it a Saturday morning holo animation and I am having Smoky here write
my memoirs"  

Colonel T.P Sommo- "I better have a few chapters in that! I like what they did with me in the comic
books!"

Doctor Sax- “I have my own spin off  comic book  and Elvis and I teamed up in “Elvis Mellon and
Doctor Sax take on Lucifer’s nephew Billy”

Smoky- “what should we call this one?”

Elvis Mellon- “How about ELVIS MELLON IN TALES OF CABO DIABLO- THIS EPISODE-
ELVIS MELLON TAKES ON THE HELL MONSTER FROM THE SPACE/TIME VORTEX”

Zik- “Hey wait a minute? I am the one that got rid of the thing- YOU JUST STAGGERED
AROUND ALL WASTED AND THREW BOTTLES AT IT- THAT ONLY PISSED IT OFF
MORE- HOW ABOUT MY COMIC BOOK?!”

Elvis Mellon- “O.K O.K.. ..calm down……we’ll work something out……..”


Smoky- "Why dont we call it IF MY EGO GOT ANY BIGGER THERE WOULDNT BE ANY
ROOM FOR THE CAT "

Agent Mckinley - "Do you think this Hurricane will bring any more space monsters or man eating
creatures?"

X- "Forget the Hurricane! We have plenty of space monsters and man eating predators right here on
the island already and swimming out there past the reef"

Colonel T.P Sommo - "Mckinley- you dont look so good!"

( sound of Mckinley passing out and hitting the wooden floor of the Veranda )

ZIK-
"I guess he doesnt like monsters....."

Elvis Mellon- "POUR US ANOTHER ROUND X......"

END OF TRANSMISSION...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-To  Sub  Commander  Jules Moudelaine of the “Truimphant” class nuclear submarine “Temeraire”

From :  To; the office of Pierre Sassone –Office of Ministry of Defense  
-French sovereignty threat assessment- division # 9 .

Are you sure you didn’t intercept this from Universal studios or Epcot in Florida???

Do you really expect us to believe that was a serious conversation between extratestrials and military
and galactic alliance personnel and mercenaries??!!!”    ( C’est des ) conneries!      As –tu perdu l’
esprit?   ( This is bullshit- have you lost your mind?)

Commander I think  you have been  in that sub  too long! -  

End transmission.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------

To Agent Dirk Mckinley -Central Intelligence agency rep. for Project X-  Operation "Devils
Doorway" -
Cabo Diablo-

From; C.R Langsford  acting chief-  Central Intelligence agency- Foreign operative identification and
retrieval sub section # 4  

Agent Mckinley- you are aware of course that these transmissions are being intercepted by the frogs ,
limeys and Ruskeys . So this '"Doctor Sax" knows X too? Fascinating. I like the stutter- good work.
Keep them thinking you are cracking under the pressure and insanity of the situation. That "Grond"
character is some kind of alien Ape? We have been studying the photos and video clip you sent us-
HE is one ugly son of a bitch! Does he really eat like that? I thought I was listening into
conversations in a 9th grade boys locker room or  the mess hall in a prison !
Just who the Hell is this Elvis Mellon anyway-an alien or a comedian/singer?? We were able to get
several episodes of his old show on loan

from Hollywood- its actually a good show! He would come out and sing and do a sort of Elvis
Presely tribute to Elvis's Vegas act and he even had the real Elvis Presley on his show and sang
"Hound Dog" with him. He had some great guest stars- Jack Benny, Milton Berle, Slappy White,
Ruth Buzzie and Jo Ann Worley from "Laugh In"- Orson Welles,Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr.
The weird part is at the same time he was allegedly filming these shows in 69,70,71-etc- He would be
spotted on the other side of the planet  playing bacara at Casino Royale or sailing off the beachs of
Canne. I dont know how this time  travel business works but this guy gets around..unless he has
clones or robots  that look like him or something crazy?! Stay alert and on guard and watch that
Grond thing. See if you can pump the spider for any background information on Elvis Mellon and  
how he ended up on the other side of the galaxy and space and time travelling all over and popping
back up on Earth. We will check those comic books for any secret coding or hidden messages. Get
some intel on this Doctor Sax too. Let me know when that Russian agent arrives there.

Signing off for now.
PREHISORIC BEASTS,ALIEN CREATURES,AND SEA MONSTERS SWIM THE WATERS
OFF CABO DIABLO AND CRAWL ITS JUNGLES AND BEACHS COURTESY OF THE
SPACE/TIME  VORTEX...
2" alt=""
>

LEFT BELOW- DIVERS EXAMINE PREHISTORIC MARINE
TURTLE- BELOW RIGHT ANOTHER MORE MONSTROUS
VARIETY OF PREHISTORIC TURTLE
BELOW IS ELVIS MELLONS OFFICE WHILE
ON CABO DIABLO-AT RIGHT A VISITOR
MR. X'S PRIVATE PLANE
LOCKHEED BOEING SPECTRE PATROLS ABOVE
CABO DIABLO
BELOW RIGHT TWO MORE TIME TRAVELERS GET
CAUGHT IN THE VORTEX'S PULL  AND END UP AT
CABO DIABLO
CABO DIABLO'S "WELCOME CENTER"  BELOW
HAPLESS TOURISTS SOMETIMES SAIL TO
CABO DIABLO UNAWARE OF THE DANGER
JO ANN WORLEY AS SHE  APPEARED ON THE
"ELVIS MELLON VARIETY HOUR" 1969-1973
THESE TWO F.B.I  AGENTS KEEP ASKING ELVIS
MELLON IF HE'S SEEN ANY ALIENS? HAHAHAH
PATROLLING THE  JUNGLES
KEEPING THE BEACHS SAFE
BELOW LEFT- - RARE HYBRID BREED OF CHUBACABRA
ON PATROL  AS PERIMETER SECURITY -RIGHT- "THE  MAN"
BOB HOPE  AND  FRIENDS ENTERTAINING CABO DIABLO PERSONNEL
SLAPPY WHITE- BELOW LEFT AND NIPSEY
RUSSEL BELOW RIGHT OFTEN APPEARED ON
THE ELVIS MELLON VARIETY HOUR
THIS "CONTROL" AGENT CALLS HIS BOSS
DIRECTORY-MENU
CABO DIABLO # 17
THE BEAUTY OF CABO DIABLO MASKS THE DANGER
AND TERROR THAT AWAITS THERE.
THIS WOMAN CLAIMED TO BE  LIVING IN
A BOTTLE THAT WASHED UP ON
SHORE...
C.H.A.O.'S SPY -BELOW
ANOTHER LOST SOUL
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