ELVIS MELLON’S HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

# 3

Copyright 2007

A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION


As Zik rampaged through the Bears Tooth
 Lake front Park with Grond and Thirteen  
a close second and third- behind him, Virgil activated the cloaking devices on their
watches to save things from getting worse , Elvis and Smoky were free to do  a bit of
damage control.
Elvis reached down and grabbed the cat’s glasses  putting  them in his shirt pocket
.  “I
don’t   think you will need these right now, your NOT  doing any reading.  I always
wondered why a genetically enhanced “Super” cat would not have perfect eye sight?”
Smoky looked away –embarrassed. “I DO have perfect eye sight….the glasses are fake.
I just thought they  would make me look smarter.” Elvis burst out laughing and almost
spilled his beer which he quickly raised to his lips and drank, getting foam on his mustache
and wiping it with his sleeve and laughing harder
.  “You have been around humans too
long
!  dont tell me you are  VAIN??? Jeeeze ,  NO  offense , but your exhibiting some
of the worst in human traits and behavior...for a CAT that is...."

The cat shook his head
.  “Can’t I want to look smart?? Now lets find that guy and the
chick and  then you do your magic.”  They plotted about how they would catch up with  
the hunchbacked man and the Goth/Punk chick and then Elvis would  give them a line of
bullshit (something he excelled at…..)  But they had apparently moved on. Elvis and
Smoky were by  the edge of the park that turned into the  beach with some life guard
stations and
park benches and food stands and they  were looking  out at the fishing boats and
pleasure craft moored further down the cove and off in the distance they  could see  
twinkling lights from Wolf’s bane island. As they  watched them they became  obscured
by a strange fog blowing in. Elvis  sipped his beer from the big stein he had gotten at
the 1936 Olympics held in Munich Germany just a few months ago and held it up to
catch the cats attention- " Ahh the beauty of time travel...and I got to meet Jesse
Owens too!!"     '' Yeah and almost got us all shot when you said  F%#@ you Gerk Off-
to Hitler!!  ( "Fick Dich Wischer" )  "I dont want to talk about that.
Now where did those
three  idiots go?"  Elvis yelled-

“Hey you guys- GET BACK ON THE SHIP…er ...Bus!”  He nearly jumped when
Ziks voice came from right next to him.
“promise not to stare at me??”  He chuckled. “You
neurotic son of a bitch …YES I promise!! I can’t speak for the other morons though.”
“Where are the other two idiots?”  A big splash answered his question.
“WATER   FEEL  GOOD!!!” - they heard coming from the water.  Elvis pressed a
button on his watch which allowed him and Smoky  to now see the
three  cloaked crew
members while others still could not.  Grond was getting a
Much needed bath and
Thirteen  was standing on the beach peeing into the water. Elvis
and Smoky  walked down to the waters edge  with Zik trailing behind them acting pouty
and standoffish , they could see Grond   having fun in the water. Elvis  was starting to
laugh again  when he saw the fog  thickening and moving towards the shore with  large
shapes started to form and move with   in it. “Virgil, lock on to the
five   of us and beam us
back NOW!!!”  Virgil’s voice (as Jack Nicholson this time) came out of his watch
“What??! - Are you guys too  lazy to walk?”  A very large reptilian head on a long neck
was snaking out of the fog and almost near where an invisible Grond splashing about
and where
 Thirteen  was writing his name in the sand.  Ziks voice sounded scared “WH,
what the F#$% is

that??!!”  The “Lake Monster” was now almost on top of Grond and must have sensed
or smelled him because it stopped and started craning its neck and looking around with
its mouth open as if hunting for prey. Grond saw it and started yelling and thrashing in
the water and the beast heard him and started snapping its jaws right near him. Out of
nervousness Grond let out a fart that exploded like cannon fire!!
Thirteen just   about
peed himself and jumped back and
slammed  into  Elvis  who was lighting a cigarette and
that chain reaction    ignited the deadly gas emanating from Gronds rectum and there was

a tremendous fireball  with the  Lake Monster catching  the  brunt of  it and blasting it   
to flaming bloody chunks of  charred meat pummeling  the beach. Unearthly screams
emanated from somewhere out in the fog bank. Elvis , bruised , battered and singed by
the blast but as  always - had managed to save his beer from spilling ,  lay on his back with
his arm up holding the stein  . He sat  up in the sand and took a deep breath and then a
deep draught. Smoky who had been spared any flames or debris picked Elvis's  hat up in
his teeth and dropped it on on his lap as Zik ,  who luckily was impervious to any such
explosion or heat -  dusted sand off himself and Elvis  with his long pinchered legs.

" It must have been the cabbage......"  He murmured.  Sirens were screeching off in the
distance as Grond was standing on the shore with his fur dripping and  eating   a charred
piece of Lake Monster.
   Thirteen  was STILL peeing   and turned his large head
towards Grond
.“Don’t eat that!! You don’t know where that thing has been!!” Grond
smiled with burnt monster flesh stuck between his large teeth and ate a piece the size of a
basketball
. “MONSTER GOOOOOOD-  little buddy!!! - ME LIKE!!!”  

The strange fog was still drifting in and  horrifying things were coming out of it and   
they were howling and growling and hissing!   Elvis was standing up
and taking a drag on
his smoke and leaning on Ziks abdomen
. “I think we should make like atoms and split
before the cops and fire department show up and we get caught between them and what
ever is coming out of that fog, Uhh
, Grond you never fail to amaze me and remind me to
register your ass as a deadly weapon, But for now
; Lets drop the monster steak and
Jeeeeeze
, Thirteen  , I didn’t know Grays had bladders the size of a
Watermelon??” There was a white flash of light and they were all beamed into the ship by
Virgil who had been watching the whole thing. Elvis, Zik, Smoky and Grond were
beamed into the front compartment of the ship/bus behind the cockpit/bridge which
served as both a briefing room and dining room with a large table and chairs.   Grond  
was dry  now courtesy of Virgil’s instantaneous technology and
 Thirteen  was beamed
right into one of the ships bathrooms where he was still peeing from all the beer he drank.
Zik was standing next to

Elvis who sat down in one of the chairs against the wall with a big window and he turned
sideways to watch figures emerging from the fog as it and they moved through the park.
Smoky jumped into his lap to look out as well when Virgil appeared holographically –as
Jack Nicholson circa 1969 “Easy Rider” –
“I cloaked the ship and put the shields up, let’s see what this fog is and what’s in it.”
Mean while as Muffy Frankenreich was safely on her way with her friends to a club party
and Igor was  taking the boat the long way home to avoid the fog his master had sent to
Bears Tooth, Siegfried Frankenreich sat in meditation in the North tower of the castle
in his private citadel. He had been telepathically guiding the lake monster and his
werewolves and vampires on their nightly visitation to Bears Tooth.  

Suddenly his eyes widened and he sat up straight in his elegant throne like arm chair and
gasped. He knew something had just killed one of his beloved monsters!!! This was not
supposed to happen!! He sent a mental command to his minions including his old family
friend and childhood protector- who his family called “Frankie” – non
e  other then the
legendary “Frankenstein Monster” that led the pack of Werewolves, Vampires, Ghosts
and several mummies and a zombie or two. He commanded them to find the killer of the
Lake Monster and to keep what ever or who ever it was alive and to bring it back to him.
As an added precaution he called Igor on his cell phone and told him to turn around  and
head to the mainland and find out what happened. Nothing like this had happened to him
or his family in decades and he sat in his darkened study worrying what it could be.

Siegfried’s family had migrated from their castle in the Black Forrest in Germany before
they got chased out by the local authorities for Baron Von Frankenstein’s “work” in
reanimating dead flesh and his association with Count Dracula and the negative forces
that they stirred up between them. Some family members stayed in Germany but
relocated and “Uncle” Eric the S.S General
-came from that branch of the family tree.
Baron Von Frankenstein was thought to have died with his monster but in actuality the

Two of them survived and came to the United States with other family members and
Siegfried’s father Martin was his Great, Great grandson. Martin was alive and well at
eighty six  and still very active in the castles laboratory, working closely with his uncle-
Eric
-the Nazi,  who everyone thought was his great nephew. They were all not just
scientists but members of an ancient black lodge
. An esoteric order along the lines of
the O.T.O (Ordo Templi Orientis)  but much more sinister or an evil version of the
Hermetic order of the Golden Dawn.  
They took the Necrimonicon as their bible and then  came to this part of Michigan
because of the strange “vortex” that created the Great Lakes Triangle and they knew
its focal point was Wolf’s Bane Island. Herman Frankenreich
's actual name was Baron
Victor Von Frankenstein but he changed it to remain anonymous. When he and his
Monster and his family, including some relatives and friends,
first bought the island off a
local Indian tribe in the area
,  they dug for copper there and discovered gigantic stone
ruins buried  deep down
-  that must have been there from before the last ice age –
predating even Atlantis.

Victor/Herman was not surprised to find them as he had been led there in a dream and
knew they must have been built by the old ones or those that served them. He had
uncovered them and restored them to their original glory, A Ziggurat  Pyramid –temple
now standing in a clearing in the dense woods behind the Castle. At the center of these
ruins is an ancient “Well”- a shaft running deep into the Earth and what ever strange
electro- magnetic forces had caused the space/time anomaly- thus creating the Great
Lakes Triangle- the shaft inside the temple was where it emanated from. This was the
portal from which Siegfried would raise Cuthulu and his Ilk. For years he had been

trying to chase away the inhabitants of Bears Tooth and the other communities
neighboring his island so he could take the area over and increase his power and have
peace and quiet in  which to carry out his experiments and rituals. He had summons the
spirits of the dead ( some were old family enemies or those who owed them a debt in
life..)  whom he enslaved and Werewolves and Vampires from his own family and  native
Country of Transylvania that his family had long ago fled for the Black Forest of
Germany. He had traveled to Egypt and acquired the secrets of bringing

Mummies to life not to dissimilar from how his Great, Great Grandfather reanimated
Frankie.   He sent them out at certain times of year especially near “All Hallows Eve” to
terrorize and kill the citizens of Bears Tooth. At the stroke of midnight on this
upcoming Halloween he will have collected enough power and made enough blood
sacrifices to open the portal to the void and bring the old ones through to issue in a new
era of darkness and Hell on Earth where he would reign supreme. Provided his wife let
him. Mean while he awaited word from Igor about this “fly in the ointment.”

Elvis Mellon and his crew including a now subdued Zik- Thanks in part to a few glass’s
of “Rocket Fuel” (Literally- ROCKET FUEL
!! He might feed on sound waves but
he got high as a kite on the same stuff they fuel the space shuttle with.) were all gathered
again in the lounge with the curtains up on the big bay window so they could check out
the parade with the  Frankenstein  monster in the lead followed by dozens of black
caped Vampires and hairy Werewolves with a smattering of Mummies and ghosts and a
few zombies thrown in for good measure , all lurching and staggering and walking down
Main st towards the down town  area of Bears Tooth as the sound of sirens got louder
and red and blue lights flashed and parts of burnt  lake monster still sizzled and smoked
on the sandy beach.
Siegfried sat in his study/tower with its   old dusty leather bound books on shelves
lining the stone walls in front of his old desk
, covered in ancient parchments with amulets
and crystal balls and a human skull with a burning candle on it with red wax dripping down
over it. There was a fire in the fire place and his beautiful wife Anastasia
,  with her pale
skin and long black hair and black lace gown
,  stood by his throne like arm chair, a  goblet
of red liquid in her hand.“
Lake Monsters don’t grow on tree’s you know!! All the time

and money we spent training him and feeding him and getting him the best vet’s care and
those dammed shots!!! Siegfried hung his head
. “I KNOW, I KNOW!! Jeeeeeze
Louieeeeeezeee, Would you stop nagging me?!!” Anastasia bared her teeth
, showing
vampiric fangs
.  “Daddy warned me about marrying you, But NO!!  I said you would
change….NO Daddy you’ll see…Big Mr. Baron Von Frankenstein changes his name
and cant control his kids!!"
 There was a knock on the heavy wooden door, it swung open
to reveal a tall distinguished dark haired man with a widows peak and black cape, high
collar, dark suit and very pale skin. “Daddy we were just talking about you!!”
Siegfried smiled weakly
. “Count..” The man grinned , bearing fangs as well “Vel , I hope
you don’t mind but I vas hungry and had one of the teenage virgins you had locked up in
the dungeon.” Siegfried Frankenreich jumped out of his chair
.  “NOOOOOOO!! –
Oh
, Dad!!  I  was saving them for Halloween when I bring Cuthulu back to our world!!”

The “Count” (as in “Count Dracula” ) threw his hands up.“Vell,
your Uncle killed Vone
of them too!!!! How Vere ve supposed to know you vere saving them!!!” Siegfried
frantically dialed his cell phone
. “Igor?? Yeah, its me, Master.Yes I know about “Soupy”
..
.Yes….I know something burned  and ate him!!  You saw what??  A giant purple  spider
made of glass??   A big green ape and a cat with glasses?? Slow down
! You saw What?!!
AN  alien and some big drunk with a beer stein chasing them???!   Have you been into the
sherry again?  No
, well,  I had to ask.  No the spiders NOT mine. Listen…LISTEN,
tell Frankie and the gang when they are done  with the usual raping and pillaging and
killing to get me some more virgins.YES
,  I thought we had enough too! Well my  Father
in law and my uncle had a couple…..yes I know they are hard to find.
Try the boarding
school ….O.k
,  listen,  your signal is breaking up….I have to go……”

TO BE CONTINUED  STAY TUNED...
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