ELVIS MELLON’S HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

PART # 4

COPYRIGHT 2007

Sheriff Buford H. Pemberville was making his usual late evening patrol in the township of
Bears Tooth and its surrounding farmlands, woods and Lake Front under his jurisdiction
when dispatch called about an explosion and ensuing fireball seen and heard over by
Settlers cove. It was ten  minutes after Midnight and he was hoping to have a peaceful
morning until 2:00 a.m when his shift was over. He put the lights and siren on in his 2007
Chevy Impala Police cruiser and did a U –turn on Fulton rd, heading back through town to
the cove. He was sick and tired of all the weird shit that was going on lately. He radioed for
Deputy Ray Bradford –The deputy on duty with him tonight- to meet him at Settlers cove.
They called Bradford “The kid” because he was only twenty three  and looked  sixteen.  
The sheriff dunked his last bit of donut into his   coffee and drank the last of the luke warm
java and threw the Styrofoam cup in the litter bag that said "Dunkin donuts" on it , sitting
next to him on the front seat, already filled with the remains and garbage from his recent trip
to White Castle.

He looked around at the quiet farm houses and darkened fields and  thought about how
peaceful the world seemed here. He had grown up in this area and loved it, but in the last few
years even the peaceful and tranquil Keweenaw Peninsula was getting its share of violent
crime and down right sick behavior. There was some kind of sick, twisted serial killer running
around or some kind of Satanic cult   -OR BOTH- kidnapping and murdering young girls
and  farm animals and peoples pets. This never used to happen here and in the last few years
around this time of year the station got flooded with phone calls about
Werewolves, Vampires and Mummies!! He thought it was a joke at first because it was so
close to Halloween but when respectable citizens came in person to report seeing these
things and his friend Merle Ferguson whom he had known for forty five  years said he saw
them just last night on Main st, AND Merle was as sane and normal as anyone could be.  
Thats  when Buford was worried. Granted there had always been “urban myths” and folk
tales in these parts of some kind of “Great Lakes Triangle” and stories of strange lights in
the skies and Lake Monsters and ships and planes disappearing but that was all just hearsay!

Merle had five  years on him but the sheriff had gone to school with Merle's younger brother,
Henry since Kindergarten and he had thought of Merle as an older brother.  -IF Merle said
he saw this crap… then Drinking or not, well, then by God there was some weird shit a float.
He lit a Chesterfield cigarette and flew down Main st as the wind blew dead leaves in swirling
cascades across the road in front of him. He loved this time of year when the weather turned
cold and crisp and the leaves changed colors and the whole “harvest” season  was going on.
“Old man Kratzanjammer,” the eccentric fisherman that  lived down
The street from him as a kid,  used to say
- “Frost on the pumpkin, time for dickie  dunking."    
He saw the lights of Bradford’s cruiser ahead of him parked behind a big tour bus  in front
of the Lake Front Park and he pulled up close to the curb behind him and the bus, it was then
he noticed the Government plates and the “Federal Parks Commission and Environmental
Protection agency joint task force”-sign . Jesus, THIS was all he needed in the wee hours
of Sunday morning a few days before Halloween with the recent events going on. Bradford
was chatting amiably with some big son of a bitch with a tanned sport coat, jeans, green
sneakers and a fedora.

The man looked to be in his forty's  with a thick reddish brown beard turning gray and he had
an i.d on his lapel with a picture of himself that read “Arthur Kootersnatch”
Writer/Journalist- National Geographic. The sheriff took his police hat off and ran his
hand through his thinning sandy blond hair and noticed this National Geographic fella was a
good foot  taller then him. Elvis Mellon had wanted to either stay cloaked or move the
ship/bus somewhere away from the earlier commotion but Virgil thought it best to

implement Elvis’s initial plan of posing as Federal agents and journalists and Parks people
and he had given them all the proper credentials and even made it so if the sheriff and his
people ran a check on any of them with  Washington they  would all come up legit.  X came out
from the other side of the bus wearing a blue wind breaker that said “FEDERAL
AGENT” and with a golden badge and his aviator glasses and walrus mustache he certainly
looked the part. He was chewing gum and smoking a Salem as he curtly nodded to the
Sheriff and shook his hand. “Sheriff,  I’m Cody Trucks,  Federal agent with the Bureau of
Federal parks  land reclamation and rehabilitation, This is Artie Kootersnatch  – with the
Geographic, He’s doing a story on us.”  The sheriff shook hands with both of men and
couldn’t help but feel he knew this Artie from somewhere.

“Damm you look familiar! Have you hosted any National Geographic specials?”
Elvis thought quickly and grinned. “You got me Sheriff!!  Except,  I didn’t host them . I was
featured on several segments they did on the Australian outback and the  killer Wallabies
and I did one on the  six fingered  Chimpanzee’s of the equatorial rainforests.” The sheriff
nodded and smiled tiredly. “I knew it was from tv. You sort of remind me of the guy from that
old show…”Elvis Mallon??...back in the early seventies?  It came on after “One Adam #
Twelve." Elvis nodded enthusiastically. “Yes!! I remember that guy!! Elvis MELLON!!  He
was GREAT!! Yeah I get a lot of people telling me I look like him but he would be old
enough to be my father now!!”


Sheriff Buford just shook his head. “Well you could be his son then! I never see any reruns
of that on tv land! He used to do that impersonation of Dean Martin with the drink in his
hand and he must have had apple juice er something but it looked the same color as scotch.”   
(Laughing …)  Elvis/Arthur Kootersnatch grinned.“Oh I think that was real booze….Uh….
just a hunch.”    The sheriff smiled again and turned to his deputy. “Pardon me a minute fella’s
,
Deputy Bradford; any signs of an explosion or fire?” The young Deputy shook his head -
“No sir, But I haven’t thoroughly scanned the beach for any evidence, I will do that now.”  
The Deputy left his patrol car running with the lights on and walked down to the beach with
a flash light. Colonel T.P Sommo came out of the bus in a Parks Ranger uniform with a
Golden badge and i.d that read “Chief Ranger –

Alphonse Samboa –“Federal Parks Commission” He nodded to the Sheriff. “Sheriff –
Pemberville? Is it? It’s a Pleasure. We just rolled in from Minnesota on a tour of National
forests, parks, Wild life sanctuaries, etc.  We are working with the E.P.A to bring our
information and statistics about  valuable land assets and fragile eco systems into a more
cohesive framework of viability with 21st century goals, we understand you have a wild life
preserve on Wolfs Bane Island and we need to give it a through inspection.”  The sheriff was
relieved that this had nothing to do with the town proper and gladly nodded his approval,
thinking they probably didn’t need his cooperation or approval anyway.

Doctor Sax came wandering up with several cameras hanging from around his neck and an i.d
reading “National Geographic chief photographer-Stanley Palowski ’’ – he nodded and
smiled at the sheriff and acted preoccupied with is camera. The sheriff thought he looked the
part of a photographer with his long curly blond hair and floppy hat and long coat and scarf,
probably from California.  "Say have any of you fella’s heard any kind of explosion or seen a
fireball of some kind since you were here?”  Elvis looked quickly at his crew members – “Oh
THAT? That was just some kids setting off fireworks!! They must have had some M-80’s or
cherry bombs! We saw some teenagers running away towards the docks.” Virgil the super
computer had beamed out any evidence of barbecued lake monster and had replicated the
remains of fire works debris and left it strewn on the beach.  The sheriff thanked them and
wished them well and walked down to wear the deputy was walking on the beach.

X grinned at Elvis and the Doc. “Well that was easy enough! Now we can discreetly deal with
the parade of monster movies extras roaming the streets!” Smoky sat inside the ships/bus’s
“command center” –a sort of “control room” with lots of monitor screens and equipment so
crew members could directly interface with Virgil and the ships systems themselves instead of
bothering him. If they wanted to look up some information or play computer games or read
they could enter the small room near the back engine room and there were several consoles
and mod looking swivel chairs. Smoky sat with his bifocals

Back on, watching the creatures that Virgil was tracking with his   sensors. Grond was
snoring on the floor outside the room in the hall way and Thirteen  was sitting next to Smoky
watching with him. “Virgil, are you going to stop them from wreaking havoc on the town?’ ,
The smooth voice of David Niven came out of the air above them.  “Yes , Smoky they will
not be allowed to harm any life tonight, I am going to send Elvis and the others to intercept
Frankenstein- the creature –that is.”  The cat yawned and licked himself. “Just asking.”

The Frankenstein monster and his band of Vampires, Werewolves, Mummies, Ghosts and
zombies had all split up and scattered into back yards and between houses and back alleys in
the down town when the Police sirens and lights got closer. “Frankie” enjoyed his nights out
and off the island but he yearned for the day that his “master” gave him the promised cosmetic
surgery to make him look more acceptable to modern humans and  then he could update his
wardrobe and  put a little color in his appearance. He was

Grateful for the new life the Frankenstein’s….er… CORRECTION- Frankenreich's,  had
given him and all the security and protection over the century and a half but it was no kind of
life! Sure they fed and clothed him and gave him a room in the dungeon and he had an old
black and white tv and a toilet in the cell and fresh straw on the bed and Igor brought him a
girl every now and then to play with but they always screamed and then he got mad and
snapped their necks……but he didn’t mean too. He just wanted a normal life and a color tv
with cable and ipod, a wife and kids…..some friends other than Vampires, Werewolves and
Mummies…..was that asking too much?! He was lumbering down this side street in the wee
hours of the morning with the cries and screams of his fellow monsters coming from all around
as they spread out through the sleeping town.  

He had refrained from hurting anyone in a long time and just enjoyed giving people a good
scare when he broke down their doors and growled and moaned and they usually passed out
of fright or freaked out. He watched a pair of Werewolves climb through a window they had
smashed and they carried out a teen age girl who was screaming and kicking in her under wear.
One of the Werewolves grabbed her by the throat as if to bite her and suddenly he jerked
up right as if shocked or hit with something and fell over unconscious, dropping the girl- who
promptly got up and ran screaming back towards her house. The other Werewolf howled and
pursued her but suddenly slammed into an invisible barrier and fell over whimpering and the girl
was lifted as if by invisible hands through the window and then all of the broken glass flew
back up into the pane and the window fixed itself.

This was too much for Frankie! He pulled out the cell phone his master gave him for
emergency’s and called Igor
.
"
EEEEEEEEEEERRRRGGHHHHHHHHH……IIIIGGGGOOORRRRRRR...
TROUBLE…BAAADDDDDDDDDDD…..SOME THING…..HURT WOLF
MEN….ERRRRGGHHHHHH.”  Someone or something tapped Frankie on his
shoulder, He whirled around with the small phone still in his big hand to see a large man-
almost as big as him with a beard and old battered hat , smoking a cigarette and offering him
one…”Hi Frankie
, my name is Elvis Mellon,  and we have to talk.”    Frankie liked cigarettes
but had to have Igor light them
, he took it from the strange man and Elvis pulled out his
lighter and ignited it …
"EEEEEEEEEEEERRRRGGHHHHHHHHH….FIRE
BADDDDDDDDD!!!!”
Frankie lurched at Elvis to hit him but he ducked and suddenly webs as strong as steel cable
hits him and tied his arms to his sides and wrapped him up.
Frankie peered into the dark and
saw a gigantic spider bigger then a car,
dimly glittering in the moonlight, standing next to the
man who snatched the cell phone from his hand and spoke into it
.  “HI –IGOR? Frankie is
gonna be tied up for awhile
and your little Halloween parade is about to come back empty
handed.”  A voice on the other end was screaming.
“WHO

IS THIS??” But Elvis stepped on the phone and  squashed it , Then he   lit the cigarette
he was holding  and held it up to Frankie’s mouth,
he took a drag and blew out the smoke in a
sigh…”O.K
, you have me…. Uhh...thanks for the smoke.” Elvis looked shocked . “WAIT A
MINUTE?! “What happened to  ERRRRRRGHHHHHHHH?”   Frankie smiled.
“Oh
that’s for the locals
 and the assholes back on the island. I may be ugly but I am not stupid .
After
 one hundred and fifty  years of reading anything I could get my hands on and then
listening to radio and finally television
 I picked up a few things but one has to play the part. ”
The Colonel, X, and Doc. Sax stepped out of the shadows

And X walked up to the creature that towered above him
. “Holy shit…..There REALLY is
a Frankenstein monster!!!  But you talk like a “normal Joe”? !  He shook his head in
amazement and looked at Elvis who had pulled out a flask and opened it and was offering it
t
o   Frankie- holding it to his lips, He took a sip and grinned. “Napoleon Brandy! Bless you
my good man, Igor drinks that Hyrum Walker crap. !!  THIS GOOOOOOOOOD!!!”  
And then he winked at Elvis.
The Colonel looked about nervously.  “I suggest we take this
meeting of the minds somewhere private!!”  Elvis nodded to the Colonel and grinned at
Frankie and then  spoke into his watch.
“Virgil,  lock on to all the ghosts, ghoulies and  things
that go bump in the night and beam them back to their island-please
 and beam us and our
guest back on board.”

Siegfried Frankenreich was not having the best night. First his beloved pet “Soupy” the
Lake monster was blown up and eaten by something that HE didn’t control or even know
about and now Igor had come running into the Great hall yelling like a maniac that his non
human minions had all been mysteriously sent back to the island by some means unknown and  
not currently possible with today’s most advanced technology and something not even he as
a great manipulator of cosmic forces and matter via his training as an Adept and High
Magician of the black arts could do
 and it was done by
Someone who HAD kidnapped Frankie and told Igor HE WAS DOING SO  over the
phone!!!! He sat in his office- HIS office used for corporate business when at home, not the
private study in the tower.
He had his head in his hands and his favorite Barry Manilow cd
playing. Who could it be??! He didn’t think he had any LIVING enemies
,  he had killed them
all. Why NOW
?

I
t just didn’t make sense. His wife was giving him a bag of shit, His pain in the ass father in law
and goofy uncle had left him two virgins short for the big night and now some joker had
stopped his servants and “friends” from bringing in more.
He would have to get the ones that
left him short to go and get some! YES!! He would send Count Dracula and the old Nazi
bastard to get a few young chippies and then he would bring the “Old ones” through at last
and show them all!
 He had to find out who was screwing with him and who had Frankie. He
pressed the button on his office phone/intercom- “Igor
, get the boat ready and   tell my
father in law and Uncle Eric to meet us at the docks
. We are going to Bears Tooth on a few
errands.”

Muffy Frankenreich had been partying all night with her friends from town at “Club Suicide
,
a hang out for Goths, Punkers, and Death Metal heads , Bikers, etc. Her Goth friend
“Ludwig” had an old Dodge van and they were now driving back to Bears Tooth on the
lonely back county roads through the woods of the Cougar Falls county park system. She
was trying to reach Igor on his cell for a ride back to the island and if not she would go hang
at the all night diner in town by the Lake front park for awhile and keep
trying him. Meanwhile back aboard the Viking at about 2:00 a.m  - Elvis Mellon and his crew
including a now refreshed Grond ( from his long nap…) and  a sleepy cat, were all in the
lounge with the “Frankenstein monster” ( untied ) and sitting comfortably in a recliner chair
with a Brandy snifter and a Cuban cigar. Elvis sat closest to him on the couch with The
Colonel and X and the rest had chairs or stools except smoky who was curled on Frankie’s
lap.  Elvis had given Frankie the down low on who they were and why they were there and
Frankie told his life story up till the present... “So that’s our story Frankie and thanks you
for telling us yours.”

X was looking troubled and took his hat off and scratched his head.
“WHO or what is this
Cuthulu and the “Old Ones” anyway? They don’t sound too pleasant
.” Elvis sipped from
his new favorite stein –containing Oktoberfest beer and Remy Martin
. “ Uhh, you don’t
really want to know
. Lets just say I would rather face a one hundred   Lake Monsters then
one of them.
Doc. Frankenreich- STEIN must be out of his gourd to think he’s going to
somehow control them!” Elvis Mellon had offered Frankie  freedom from his dreary existence
in the dungeons of the Frankenreich castle  and just about anything he could ever want and
DID want in exchange for his help. He might have loved the original Doctor Frankenstein
but his descendants treated Frankie like shit and it he was through with them. He was going
to be their guide on the island  come day light- WELL
, that is -  after they all crashed for  
ten
 hours and  had the three “S’s” ( one of them is a shower…) -   ate a big breakfast  and
lots of coffee
 and more  Brandy  and maybe some of those cabbage rolls.

 Thirteen  was feeling claustrophobic again and still a little buzzed so he pulled up the hood
on his sweat shirt and slipped out of the bus and went for a walk in the park. He was dressed
in “street cloths” and with his hood up could pass for a kid or teenager
(just with a kind of big
head.
)  No one saw him leave and Virgil didn’t say anything as it wasn’t his place. Thirteen  
liked the  cold night air and the dead leaves falling and blowing around and he was walking
with his hands in his pockets when he happened to look over at this park bench to see a
young girl suiting there in a Plaid kilt with combat boots and a leather jacket, Blue and
Orange hair and a nose ring, various piercing and tattoo’s….HE was smitten!!  

Muffy Frankenreich had kept getting Igor’s voice mail and decided to wait in the park where
she could keep an eye on the Cove where she usually got picked up and dropped off by the
boat. She looked up to see this odd looking person looking at her from under the shadows
of his hood and she felt this strange connection with him….( or it might have been the
“Special- K” ) She smiled and waved to him and said “Hey!”   
Thirteen  had been told about
fraternizing with strangers and NOT revealing himself to everyday human Earthlings but
Elvis was always breaking the rules and doing what HE wanted to!
Thirteen  smiled with his
little mouth and waved and Muffy saw the four spindly fingers. She was not freaked out
,
THIS was a girl who grew up with Vampire for a Grandfather and Werewolves at the
Thanksgiving dinner and ghosts as childhood playmates. She had
, however, never met a real
live “Alien.”  

“Oh my God! Are you REALLY AN ALIEN?    
Thirteen - (In a voice not dissimilar from
“Martin the Martian” ) removed his hood and smiled and sat on the bench next to her. “We
prefer Extratestrial biological entities or “Galactic citizen.” They shook hands and Muffy
held his
four  fingered hand up to hers. “What are you doing dressed like that? Are you
incognito?”
 Thirteen  was NOT by any means dumb,   but not being used to being out
alone without  the cushion of having Elvis Mellon and the Colonel explain things to him and
protect him, sometimes he didn’t think clearly
. He pointed to the bus and explained
everything, How it was really a space ship and he was with several ex- patriot Earth humans
who were now seasoned galactic travelers and ambassadors of the alliance and how Elvis
Mellon was this famous- and infamous space/time traveler and galactic superhero and rogue
and his good friend. Muffy sat there wide eyed and in awe
, taking it all in. "I saw you and that
gigantic spider and the green thing run by earlier!!!  AND the big guy and the cat with
glasses!! I KNEW I WASN’T GOING CRAZY!!!

From behind them she suddenly heard her fathers voice “I am so glad you aren’t crazy
either!!”
  Thirteen  jumped up to discover  four  men behind them! A hunch backed man and a
man in a black cape with shiny black hair grabbed him and Muffy as
Thirteen  struggled to
reach his watch. It suddenly dawned on him
 that he had taken it off when he changed cloths
and his only hope of escape- the ascendant technology watch that all of Elvis’s crew had
been given - was  sitting on the sink in the Vikings  back bathroom. Siegfried was dressed in
black and like his father in law wore a black flowing cape- he grabbed the little Gray by the
wrists as Count Dracula and Eric Von Frankenstein held him by the shoulders and Igor held
Muffy’s hands-    they couldn’t risk her running away at this point. “Well my strange little
friend
, it seems you and your accomplices owe me a Lake Monster and the return of my
“Creature”
and now you have become a bargaining chip!!”

TO BE CONTINUED….
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