AN ELVIS MELLON HALLOWEEN  

PART # 7

COPYRIGHT 2007

A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION


The sleepy hamlet of Bears Tooth, Michigan was now becoming a scene right out of the
“Twilight Zone” on a cold and windy, late October evening known as “Mischief night.”
Elvis Mellon and several of his companions had just escorted sheriff Pemberville and his
friend and fellow citizen of Bears Tooth- Merle Ferguson,  back into O Riley’s Bar and
Grill as three  or more gigantic Lake Monsters lumbered down Main st. towards them.  The
huge beasts were dark green with smooth, glistening skin like Dolphins, dripping with lake
water and slime. They moved on their large flippers and bellowed and roared as they looked
about for fresh meat. The town folk huddled in their homes as ghosts, Werewolves,
Vampires and other supernatural beings roamed the streets and suburban neighborhoods
of the Lake shore town.

The patrons of the bar were half “stewed” already and fairly indifferent to the goings on
outside. The sheriff and Merle Ferguson stood by the door ,  peaking out and  looking
over to Elvis , who sat calmly at the bar with his back to the door along with his friends.
“Relax sheriff; the Lake Monsters won’t bother anybody.” Pemberville whirled around
towards Elvis. “Look at those dammed things!! What the Hell do you mean they won’t
bother anyone??!! LOOK AT THEM!!” Elvis calmly sipped his single malt scotch and
smiled at Gladys Dracul, speaking into his watch.   " Zik, take care of business.”   Out in

The street--  Deputy Bradford stopped his car and got out to watch the  pack of huge
Lake Monsters wrecking parked cars and bending parking meters like they were tooth picks
as they roared and thrashed their heads about. A  gigantic spider suddenly appeared out
of thin air, glittering in the street lights as though carved from amethyst. It scuttled up past
the Deputies car with several of its  twenty   tennis ball sized eyes rotating to look at
Bradford and to his utter amazement it spoke , saying.  “ Good evening officer, pardon me
While I take care of some business.”  The Deputy was further creeped out by the spiders
voice sounding so much like Bob Newhart. As ghosts and phantoms swirled about, the
spider raised several of its legs like a Tarantula  in attack mode and suddenly it shot out
thick webbing, like steel cables that wound around all of the beasts and then  the  spider  
pulled them together like a big lasso. They screamed and thrashed about but the spider was
on them “like white on rice,” tying their massive bodies together   and then quickly dragging
them away towards the park. The deputy stood there as if in shock as strange creatures of
the night and specters walked and floated by him.

Zik dragged them to where the Viking/bus was cloaked and voice activated his watch
“Virgil, initiate phase two.” a beam of light hit the roaring monsters and they started
shrinking until they were the size of small rodents and slipped out of Ziks webs and
scampered away to the beach where they hurriedly submerged into the waters of Lake
Superior. Virgil beamed Zik back into the ship, into the lounge area where the others –
Grond, Thirteen , Smoky and Frankie,   were sitting and watching the events outside on
the large holo vid screen. Muffy had got up earlier to use the bathroom and had slipped into

the galley where Elvis’s beer stein was sitting on a counter top. S he picked it up and took
a good look at it , holding up to the ceiling light , then  put it under her  leather jacket and
absconded with it, sneaking out  of the ship/bus , walking down to the marina by  the cove
where  she  stole a small out board boat and headed home. Muffy liked her new friends,
especially Thirteen  but as much as she disapproved of her Fathers “negative agenda’s”
and bad business, she was a Frankenreich   and family came first. Muffy was no idiot and she
had often snuck into her Fathers study and the laboratory next to the dungeon where her
crazy uncle and Father and Grandfather worked on their experiments and she had read their
journals and  knew about the value of this

beer stein. She hadn’t meant to betray Thirteen  or Elvis Mellon but when she first saw him
drinking his morning coffee and booze out if it she recognized it and knew that it had to be
the one and she  formulated a plan to get it and to get  back in her Fathers good graces
and to restore some family honor. As she headed into the darkness to the island Zik turned
to Smoky. “Did she take the fake stein?” Smoky bared his teeth, his version of a grin and
nodded “Just like the boss said she would.”

Back at the bar the sheriff had watched through a crack in the door what transpired
outside and he opened it for the Deputy to come in. “Are you alright kid?” Bradford
looked rather pale and shaky- “Y, yes sir, I am not sure of exactly what I saw but I am o.k.”
The Deputy walked to the bar and sat down next to Merle who was now back sitting at the
left of Elvis. X sat there in his bomber jacket and baseball cap that said “6th Cavalry”,
sipping his whiskey. “So what about  all the other things that go

Bump in the night?” Colonel T.P Sommo with his Pearl handled revolvers still visible on his  
belt under his ankle length black leather trench coat , smiled and leaned towards X.  “I say
we go out and kill every F@#$ING  ghost, Werewolve, Vampire, Mummy, Daddy, and C#$%
sucker out there!!!!!” The Doc. Pushed the brim of his floppy hat up enough to actually see
his blue eyes and he squinted and grinned at the Colone.  “I agree with the Colonel here.”  
X shrugged his shoulders. “How do you propose we kill ghosts?? THEIR ALREADY
DEAD! And I hope you brought plenty of silver bullets and Holly Stakes!”  
Elvis had his arm around Gladys Dracul and raised his glass- “I could go for a good steak
right about now,  and relax fella’s,  Virgil has placed shielding around every man , women and
child, not to mention every native  life form , including all pets and farm animals and all Flaura
and Fauna in the effected area. People might get the shit scared out of them but they won’t
be physically harmed.” The sheriff who was listening to this exchange and allowing himself
one more beer under these trying circumstances before

Switching to black coffee, looked haggard and grim.   “O.K, .JUST who are you fella’s
anyway? You acted totally nonplussed by all of this as though you knew what was going to
happen out there?!”  Elvis Mellon turned around on his bar stool to face the sheriff.
“Sheriff, IF I told you who I am and what me and these guys do for a living, YOU wouldn’t
believe me.” The bartender, an older women in her late sixties who reminded Elvis of the late
actor Broderick Crawford (in his declining years…) in a wig , with  a big tattoo of an anchor
and a Heart on her  left upper arm , wearing a checkered flannel

shirt and jeans  with a name tag on her left breast that read “Margie”  , put her cigar in the
ashtray and poured Elvis another scotch –saying “This aught to be good…” The whole
bar was listening and watching  as  the sounds of Gene Vincent singing “A  Town with out
pity” droned  in the back ground.  “Well,  you were right sheriff Pemberville. I AM    Elvis
Mellon  , and you were correct, that WAS me that  you saw on television back in 1972,73
and  I was about thirty nine  then and I am forty five  now.” The sheriff and

Margie both looked at him as though he had  just grown  a second head. “I  am a traveler of
time and space and I  am technically almost 800 years old though technically I am also only
forty five ….ITS COMPLICATED and its a  paradox. The Doc. Here isn’t even from
our planet  ( The Doc. lifted his hat and bowed slightly )  but these other two are,
THOUGH the Colonel here has spent decades off this planet like me traveling the stars
, space and time and YES there are little green men and Martians and all sorts of aliens and
if you think Star Trek was far fetched you have no clue!!  I am here with these guys and
some others to save your town and this whole Great Lakes area not to mention  the whole
United States and the rest of the world if necessary, from any evil or supernatural bullshit.
You saw what happened out there, THAT WAS

REAL!! Ghosts, Vampires, Werewolves, Lake Monsters…its crazy shit but its all real,  
THE SPIDER was on our side and he’s an alien.” The patrons of O Riley’s Bar and
Grill (Margie being the daughter of O Riley) all looked on in stunned silence . “THAT’S
CRAZY TALK!! Deputy Bradford said shakily and looking flushed. Sheriff Pemberville
silenced him “I believe you. it sounds insane but I THINK …. I   BELIEVE YOU.
(Looking around at the locals and his
Deputy)  But   if this is all true  then what were you doing on tv in 1972?  Elvis grinned at
everyone and lit a cigarette.  “I noticed you don’t enforce the “No smoking” laws around
here...GOOD!  MY kind of town! … Uh….I really do not  have time to give you my life
story, sheriff! BUT let’s just say I love classic television and great movies and comedians
and found a way to meet some of my hero’s and fulfill my dreams of starring in my own variety
show ,  BUT all that aside I am   really just a regular Joe and a Proud American  like
yourself!!

“I was born in New Jersey  and as Captain Kirk said- (impersonating William Shatner) “I
only work in outer space,  BUT for now you just have to trust us. Some evil shit is going
down around here and tomorrow on Halloween –"All Hallows eve” IT’S going to get a lot
eviler and we have to get over to Wolfs Bane Island to stop it!”  Merle Ferguson slammed
his beer on the bar.  “Wolfs Bane Island! I knew those Frankenreichs were no good
(turning to Gladys) Begging your pardon, Maam…except for you of course.”  Gladys
pursed her lips and smiled. “quite alright Merle.” Elvis stood up

And looked at her. “YOU’RE related to them??!! I thought you said your name was
Dracul?” Gladys ran her manicured hand through her long dark hair and crossed her long,
shapely legs. “My sister married Siegfried Frankenreich and my Father and I were invited to
live with them at their Castle but my Mothers maiden name is Van Helsing.” Elvis's eyes
widened and then he smiled and  nodded as a light bulb went off in his head.-  "Great, then
you can give us a tour of the Island  tomorrow, ( turning to X and his friends ) “You guys
get back to the bus and I will meet you there later after I  escort Miss Dracul here to her
cottage and make sure ( winking ) its safe, Everyone else? Please keep what you saw and
heard here tonight- under your hats. You will all be safe going
Home tonight and I promise that by Nov. 1st everything will be back to normal."  He pulled
out a one hundred dollar bill and handed it to Margie. “another round and then keep the
change.” One of the other patrons , Izzy Fiedelberg, a retired freighter captain and long
time resident of Bears Tooth, a weather beaten, grizzled old man who would have been “an
old salt” if Lake Superior weren’t fresh water;  had been sitting quietly listening to all of
this and now he had to put his two cents in.  “Say Mr, Do the Government know about all
this monster and ghost crap?   Why aint the National guard here or the Army out here?

How do we know you aint one them Martian fella’s?”  Colonel T.P Sommo-had- HAD
enough! He got up and walked over to  Izzy and opened his black  leather trench  coat to
reveal a dark Green  U.S army military jacket with a chest full of metals.   “Listen up folks, I
am Colonel T.P Sommo ( in a deep gravely voice that would make Danny Devito and
George  C Scott   sound like choir boys! ) I graduated West Point and I am a former
Marine Colonel who ended up in “Special Forces” fighting the Ruskies in Afghanistan
and saw action in the first Gulf war before joining this countries “Black Ops” division.
I also saw action in the steaming jungles of Central America fighting those Commie sons of
bitchs the Sandinistas with my buddy -“X”   (gesturing to X) here. If you cut me, I don’t just
bleed red….I BLEED RED WHITE AND BLUE!!!  But I have news for you all! We
live on a little rock.  A  speck amongst billions of specks….IN FRIGGIN –OUTER –
GOD DAM SPACE!!!  And there’s sure as shit  billions of inhabited planets with
billions of life forms and some of them have a big government like our U.N and just

like Star Trek they call it a Confederation…THE GALACTIC ALLIANCE….and
like it or not WE are to them  what  WE think the stone age tribes in South America and in
New Guinea are to us!!!    Backwards, primitive savages that need looking after and
protection so we don’t wipe our selves out!! Well that’s who WE (gesturing to Elvis and
the others) WORK FOR!! Er….WITH!! We   are free lance agents, GUNS FOR
HIRE and right now- whether you like it or not some crazy son of a bitch on that Island is  
playing with some kind of weird shit that has raised the dead and pulled in Vampires and

Spooks,  monsters and you aint hallucinating –ITS BLOODY REAL!! So LET us
get on with our work and we apologize for any deception but if we told you all this in the
first place- would you believe us??!!” ( STUNNED SILENCE except for the radio
now playing “Monster Mash” ) “I DIDN’T THINK SO!!   Come on ,  men, lets go kick
some Monster ass!” Elvis clapped as did the whole bar and as he got up with his arm around
Gladys he leaned over and asked “Say-Gladys, is there a Kentucky Fried chicken place on
the way to your house?”  

Siegfried Frankenreich sat in front of a big computer screen in the basement laboratory
with his Father Martin, Uncle Eric and Father in law “Count Dracula” all gathered around
him. They were watching a satellite feed of the goings on in Bears Tooth as  Zik lassoed
the Lake Monsters – “That is the alien spider my daughter and Igor  mentioned !! Too bad
he’s not working for us! Look at all the ghosts and Monsters.  I didn’t send them out!!”
Martin, His Father , an elderly Gray haired man in a yellow sweater with reading glasses on,
looked perplexed . “The electro magnetic currents must be growing stronger

as the comet approaches they are coming in on their own.” Just then Muffy came in to the
lab holding the beer stein.  “Daddy, Look what I stole from Elvis Mellon!!”  Uncle Eric ran
to her with his hands out -  “
Sie fanden es!! Ihr wundervolles” (you found it! You’re
wonderful! )  He grabbed it from her and held up the magnificent stein, with its ornate metal
smithing and encrusted sapphires and rubies. Siegfried hugged his daughter and wiped
tears from his eyes. “Oh my darling!! You went to the mainland then? And saw Frankie? Is
Elvis Mellon holding him hostage?” Muffy explained all that had
Happened to Frankie and what she did when she went to see  Thirteen  and told her
Father all about the starship/bus, Virgil and the crew and how Frankie defected. The older
men pondered all of this and talked among themselves for awhile. Siegfried clutched the
stein and smiled.   “It is now officially Halloween. Tonight when the sun goes down and the
comet passes  we shall usher in the dawn of a new world. One in which I shall rule with all of
you  as my inner circle and we crush this Elvis Mellon and his crew and those dammed aliens
and feed them to Cuthulu!!!!

Back onboard the Viking  Thirteen  sat inconsolable with his head down and a big box of
Kleenex on his lap. Grond sat next to him and kept trying to hand him food and beers  and
then eating and drinking them himself when Thirteen  refused them.  “Eat little buddy. ME
NO LIKE SEE YOU CRY….SHE NO LOVE YOU…SHE BAD!!” Zik rolled
several eyes to meet Smoky’s and several out the window to see X, Doc. Sax and the
Colonel approaching the bus. “Thirteen , she’s only a seventeen  year old girl,  It would
never have worked between you.”  Thirteen   wiped his large black eyes and was about to
say something when The Colonel walked in. “Oh I think it would have worked between

Them, it may not be big but it works just fine, aint that right son?” 13 forced a smile and
nodded. Smoky jumped up onto the couch next to him and sat there- “THAT’S not what
I meant…..and she’s jail bate!”  X chimed in –“He’s a God dammed alien!! Who’s going to
arrest him?” Frankie sat there with the Wall St. Journal folded on his lap. “Hey, she’s a
good kid,  she’s just acting out and rebelling against her parents, she’s at that age.”  The
Colonel blew smoke out his nostrils and threw his leather coat over a chair “Listen to  
“Doctor Frankenfreud    over here. DID she take the friggin beer stein like Elvis said she
would?” Smoky and Zik nodded and Zik reached over into a cabinet and pulled out the
genuine one.  “Yup…..just like he said.”
Halloween day dawned overcast and rather cold. There was no sign that anything strange
had happened the night before except one or two demolished cars and some snapped
parking meters and telephone poles that the utility company was already working on.
As the citizens of Bears Tooth recovered and went about their business, Elvis Mellon
was sitting on the bed next to Gladys who was snorring away.  He   pulled his  pants on,
imagining that he was Captain Kirk just finishing up with some alien broad. He quietly laced
up his sneakers and tied his tie and drank the last of the whiskey in the glass on the end
table and then snuck out of the cottage while Gladys Dracul dreamnt of Colonel
Saunders . The whiskey helped kill the taste of  the fried chicken (among other things…)
and he stopped on the sidewalk and lit a camel as he trudged into town towards  his
starship. He would make sure everyone was rested and on their game and then they would
pick up Gladys and cruise over to Wolf Banes Island. Then they would wait till Sun down.

TO BE CONTINUED.........
MENU DIRECTORY
PART # 8
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