AN ELVIS MELLON CHRISTMAS

PART # 4

COPYRIGHT 2005

A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION

Elvis Mellon had everyone’s attention as he stood with his crew, the President of the
United States, Area 51’s top scientists and their extraterrestrial  biological entities-
“The Grays” from the Roswell era, underneath an enormous American and Gray built
flying saucer, deep underground in the Nevada desert. The President was surrounded
by  his secret service men and honor guard of military personnel,  who were all sworn
to secrecy as to what they would be seeing and hearing this day.  “Elvis, do you mind
explaining your comments about Denmark?” Elvis looked around at his friends and
briefly locked eyes with Doctor Sax, who returned his look with a pensive expression.
“These guys
(gesturing to the Grays in coveralls) have been here since the Roswell
crash in 1947. They have spent five  decades here on Earth and they surely must be
familiar with many

of Earths cultural icons, including the one that has brought so much joy and
happiness to both children and adults a like for so many years. That beloved cultural
icon known through out the world happens to get abducted by a flying saucer that
Colonel T.P Sommo informs me is an L27 Hyperdrive phase shifter! We find a Grays
(turning to the Grays with an accusing look) PENIS lying in the snow from where it
fell, after it was bitten off by one the reindeer!” The Grays were clearly nervous and
uncomfortable and one of them with a name tag that said “Larry, ” turned his large
black eyes up at Elvis. “Wait a minute! What was Jerry Lewis doing with a Reindeer?!”

The chimps screeched with laughter and Thor barked excitedly as Elvis held his head
as though he had a migraine. “NOTHING! Jerry Lewis had NOTHING to with the
reindeer that bit off a Gray pecker, BECAUSE he wasn’t there!!
(Under his breath)
“Well, to the best of my knowledge he wasn’t there! IT was Santa Claus!! You know?
Kris Kringle, Saint Nick?!”  Larry did his best to emote incredulity with his large,
black, shiny eyes and rather expressionless face. “You mean there IS a Santa
Claus??!!” We have seen all the Christmas movies and tv programs and heard all they
myths and children’s stories but Burt here ( gesturing to one of the human
technicians standing next to them  with a Marine style crew cut  and a waxed “Snidely

Whiplash” style   mustache) “Told us its all bullshit like the tooth fairy and the Easter
Bunny!” Grond suddenly grabbed the small Grays neck in his massive, furry green
hands and lifted him up eye level with himself. “You watch what you say little fella,
THERE IS TOO –EASTER BUNNY AND TOOTH FAIRY!!  Me KNOW there is- cause
Elvis take me to meet them!!”  All eyes were once again on Elvis,
(except Ziks, which
were busy checking out the undercarriage of the saucer while keeping an eye on the
scientists and the Presidents armed guards.)
The Doc kicked Gronds shin and put his

hat over Gronds enormous mouth. “Ixnay on the Easterbunnyay!!”   Sedgwick the
chimp jumped in and threw his arms up. “Well, what ever!! What the boss is trying to
suggest IS –YOU GUYS MUST KNOW SOMETHING!!”     Elvis slapped Sedgwick
“Five” and nodded. “Thanks buddy, YES, come  on , you guys! I don’t care what
faction or subspecies you are or where your allegiances are!  You still have that hive
connection whether you like it or not and you keep in contact with your friends. There
are only so many of you “officially” on this planet and  I know from my pal
,Thirteen,  
that  you can even connect with the cyborg clones and the primitive 3rd rung faction
and you have a sort of grapevine.”  

The scientists and technicians were all following this with fascinated looks on their
faces while the President held his chin and took it all in. “Larry, I would suggest that if
you know anything at all about the abduction of Santa Claus or who’s penis that was
we found in the snow at the North Pole, you tell us now or I may have to left Colonel
Sommo or Doctor Sax here interrogate you.” The Grays all looked nervously at the
now smiling Doctor Sax, who held his long fingered hands out and flexed them. “O.K,
O.K!!  Look, we honesty didn’t know there was a real Santa Claus or that one of our
kind was involved in his abduction, but we keep getting some chatter about the word
“Never land. I swear on our lives that we had nothing to do with this!”
Elvis spoke into his watch. “Virgil?” The disembodied voice of Michael Renny came
from the air above their heads. “My readings say they are telling you the truth. You
may want to speak to your Elven friends at the North Pole about the Never land
reference, and besides we have to swing by there to pick up Colonel Sommo anyway.”  

Elvis Mellon took a rain check on his “date” with Mizuki Misawa and said good bye to
the President and Area 51. He and his crew signed autographs for Larry and the other
Grays and he had the Doc bring along the decapitated pecker in case it came in handy
later on. The Viking arrived at the North Pole at around 8:30 p.m their time. The
relatively small starship morphed into a tour bus sized “snow vehicle” with massive
tank treads and the body raised high above the deep snow. The hidden valley they flew
down into was surrounded by huge cragged mountains of ice and rock. This valley

had been discovered and settled by Krisanov Kringlehelm over a thousand years
before and this was where he built Christmas town and his gigantic castle and
workshop. Thanks to the high magic of his adopted family of Northern elves, he was
able to keep this place hidden from prying eyes sensor sweeps, radar, satellites, etc.
Virgil and Elvis Mellon had been given the coordinates and  the unique signature of
the Vikings Ascendant technology construction was recognized by those elves that
maintained the cloaks and force fields around the valley  with their own special  blend
of “Earth magic” and ancient technology.

The Viking was now completely white and almost invisible as it drove  through the
snow and through the massive front gates of the castle and surrounding town.  Grond
and the chimps gazed out the Vikings bay window, marveling at the forest of
Christmas tree’s, decorated and lit with beautiful Christmas lights   that encircled the
town and castle keep, while Elvis Mellon played checkers with Zik. The Doc and Thor
were  in a deep discussion  about  Galactic confederation politics as Smoky sat upfront
with one of Virgil’s holographic subroutines -
( looking and talking like Jack
Nicholson as he appeared in “The Shining” )
, studying all the data accumulated thus
far on the Santa Claus kidnapping, on one of the dashboard view screens. The town
and castle looked like something  right out  of a fairy tale
( which ironically it was  
thought to be…)
and Gronds jaw dropped , just as it had on his first visit here, at the
sight of all of the beautiful lights and  fanciful, story book  buildings and the colorfully
dressed elves and other denizens of the magical town. A light snow fell as the Viking
rolled up to the main front entrance to Santa’s workshop.

A matronly but still beautiful, gray haired woman with her haired tied up in an elegant
bun and wearing a fur lined red wool hood and long red wool coat, came out of the
front entrance of the work shop, accompanied by several elves dressed in green and
red wool outfits and pointy hats, that barely came up to her waist, and several humans
in black snowsuits and parkas, holding assault rifles and automatic weapons. Virgil’s
voice came over the ceiling speakers as Jack. “Everybody off the bus, we have
arrived.”  A crowd gathered by the front of the snow vehicle, consisting of elves, armed
humans-  from Colonel T.P Sommo’s special galactic black ops team, bearded gnomes,
“snowmen,” several “Bumbles”
( abominable snowmen ) reindeer,
“Christmas seals” and other denizens of Christmas town. A cheer rose up when the
front/side doors opened

and a ramp extended, with Elvis Mellon
(drink in hand and just his usual cream
colored sport coat, jeans and green sneakers –NO winter coat….)
came striding  down
the ramp and into the cheering crowd. He was followed by the chimps, Thor, Smoky,
Grond and the Doc, and finally Zik came scuttling down the ramp to the sounds of
cheers and “ooohhh’s   and Ahhhhh’s.”  Virgil was too busy running sensors sweeps
and data retrieval to bother with appearing in holographic form. The armed

men in black formed a sort of honor guard around the gray haired woman who was of
course none other then “Mrs. Claus.” Elvis Mellon stood before the older woman and
bowed at the waist. She curtseyed and then took his hand
(the right one-with out the
drink….)
and they both turned to face the crowd. “Mrs. Claus, I assure you we will find
your husband and his companions and return them safely before Christmas Eve.” The
crowd cheered and the large green painted wooden doors to Santa’s workshop opened
behind Elvis and Mrs. Claus and Colonel T.P Sommo strode out in his shiny black
boots and his flowing black and silver cape. He saluted Elvis and his crew and winked
at Santa’s wife. “About time you dragged your ass here and got me!!”  

Elvis high fived the Colonel and the armed soldiers came and stood at attention at the
Colonels side. The gray haired woman gestured for them to follow her back inside and
lifted her long gown to step over the threshold into the vestibule inside the opened
doors. The Colonel and his men waited for Elvis Mellon and his crew to follow her in
and then they followed suit. Inside the warm and homey front office with the large fire
place  and a nice fire blazing, everyone made themselves comfortable and gathered  
around Mrs. Claus and Elvis, who both sat in large office chairs. The Colonel snapped

his fingers and his temporary attaché, Hermes the small elf with the wavy blond hair
and thriving dentist practice, came into the room from a side door, holding a plastic
bag. He handed to the Colonel who then sat on the desk nearest Elvis and grinned.
“Rodriguez and Johnson forgot something! Look at what we found in the snow where
they found the pecker
(turning to Mrs. Claus) “Pardon my language Madam.” Zik
scuttled in as close as he could to his crew mates and the several elves, reindeer and
others that accompanied Mrs.’ Claus into the room, His multiple eyes sparkled in the
fire light and colored Christmas lights as they  all focused on the bag in Elvis’s hand.”
That’s a white glove with silver glitter?!”  The Doc gave Elvis a questioning look and

looked around at everyone. “You all seem to register familiarity with this glove?” Elvis
held up the bag and peered at the white object and then he looked at the cat now
sitting on his lap. “You thinking what I’ m thinking? Smoky sniffed at the bag and
looked closely at it through his
(fake) bifocals. “Liberace is dead,   how about Doug
Henning’s?"   The Colonel drew hard on his cigarette and then put it out on his hand.
“No, He died in 90….” Mrs. Claus and the elves stared nervously at him as he took the
smashed

cigarette butt off of his palm and threw it in the waist paper basket. They noticed no
one else was giving him a second look. Smoky climbed onto the desk and looked over
Elvis’s shoulder at the Colonel. “So you think this fell from the saucer?” Colonel T.P
Sommo nodded and played with his cape. “Yes, and we have video of it falling out after
the um…Johnson did.”  Mrs. Claus wiped a tear from her cheek. “My poor Krisanov,
They didn’t even leave a ransom note!!”

At that very moment thousands of miles away in an undisclosed location, a figure
stood in the shadows of a dim lit room wearing a white mask over his mouth. The kind
one would wear to keep out germs or pollutants. He appeared human and stood with
his hands on his hips facing three alien “Grays” and spoke in a high pitched voice.  “O.
K which one of you idiots forgot to leave a ransom note?!” The three Grays all pointed
at each other…..

TO BE CONTINUED….    
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