AN ELVIS MELLON CHRISTMAS

PART # 5

COPYRIGHT 2005

A QUINN MARTIAN REPRODUCTION


The clock was ticking away towards December 24th  as our hero;  Elvis Mellon and his
faithful crew of miscreants , desperately
( well maybe not desperately….lets say….with
some anxiety…..or not…)
searched for clues as to the disappearance and presumed
kidnapping of the beloved cultural icon and international folk hero known as  “Santa
Claus.” Let us now join them in the very heart of Santa’s hidden realm, Christmas
town –at the North Pole, in the front offices of Santa’s workshop near midnight as
Elvis and his companions confer with Santa’s wife “Mrs. Claus.” The fire burned low in
the fireplace and the elves

were starting to fall asleep in their tiny chairs as Elvis sat at  the front desk with Mrs.
Claus and several members of his crew, including the infamous Doctor Sax, Grond, Zik,
Sedgwick, Hector, Thor and Smokey. Colonel T.P Sommo; also a member of Elvis’s
crew,  an old friend recruited from Earth, was there as well,  with several members of
his hand picked militia of galactic and local “Black Ops.” team.   Mrs. Claus was looking
haggard as she sipped her brandy and daintily tapped the ash of her cigar into the red
and green ashtray. Elvis sat with his feet up on the desk and his personal assistant,
the large

Gray cat, curled on his lap. “So, Mrs. Claus, are you sure your husband hasn’t
mentioned Neverland lately?”  She shook her head gravely and looked to her right
where the blond elf was sitting, wrapped in his new black parka
(courtesy of the
portable replicator in the Colonels watch.)
 The tips of the little elf’s pointed ears grew
red. “I think you may want to talk to some of Santa’s colleagues at his favorite
watering hole.” Elvis sat forward in his chair and took his long legs off the desk and
squinted behind his shades at the elf.

“Watering hole?-  Do tell….”  The elf shrugged and looked to Mrs. Claus and then back
to the huge man in front of him. “Er, well…. You were there before with Santa,   it’s a
private club called “Harvey’s place.” Owned and run by a Pooka.”  The Colonel shot
the elf a piercing look. “What in all shit and shinola is a POOKA?”  The large cat on
Elvis’s lap rolled his sleepy looking eyes. “The Pooka is a creature of Celtic folklore-  
especially in Wales and Ireland
( looking up at Elvis –then to the Colonel ) They are
both respected and feared and can assume terrifying shapes , often of animals like a
Horse, Goat, Rabbit or Goat, Often of an enormous size or exaggerated shape. Harvey
is a Pooka.”

The Colonel sat up straight and put another cigarette out on the bare flesh of his hand
and then threw it in a waist paper basket. “Wait just a God dammed minute! You
mean like that old Jimmy Stewart movie?  THAT –Harvey??!!” Zik had several eyes
on the Colonel and several more on the elf and now he couldn’t contain himself. “And
what is this weird connection to Jimmy Stewart??! First the holographic bartender
looks like Nick, from “It’s a wonderful life” and Virgil is morphing into Jimmy Stewart
and now we have to go to see a friggin Pooka named Harvey!?”    Elvis grinned and
scratched his beard

Thoughtfully and picked Smoky up and placed him on the ground. “Well, old buddy,
near as I can tell the Jimmy Stewart business aboard Visigoth was because Virgil
loved that movie and if you recall, he does that every Christmas, BUT –Yes…it is kind
of  strange that the Pooka’s name is Harvey.”  Hermes the little blond elf stood up and
petted the sleepy cat that was now sitting by Elvis’s sneaker. “It’s not really strange;
Harvey IS the Pooka from the story because he visited the author, Mary Coyle Chase,
when she was a teenager in Colorado back in 1923. Who would ever believe her? She
wrote a play

About a Pooka named Harvey and it became a smash on Broadway and then a great
movie with Jimmy Stewart in 1950. If you want to find out about Neverland and
maybe get some leads on Santa I suggest you check out Harvey’s place. You were
there with Santa a few years ago but as I recall you had one to many “Harvey Wall
Bangers” – Harvey’s own special version of the drink and on Santa’s suggestion they
gave you a pill to make you forget, because few mortals are ever allowed there. You
wouldn’t remember that the physical location of the entrance is in Britain near a place
called Glastonbury.” Smoky and Elvis suddenly looked at each other as if someone
pinched them and Elvis spoke into his watch. “Virgil, fire up the Vikings engines, we
are going to Merry Olde England.”  Mrs. Claus put her hand out and touched Elvis’s
wrist. “You don’t have to do that. We have an easier and shorter way to get there.”  

Minutes later, Mrs. Claus and Hermes, along with several other elves, were leading
Elvis Mellon and his *current team  
*(Those currently with him –Minus the Chimps
and the Colonels Black Ops men- who remained to guard Santa’s workshop)
 down a
long flight of stairs , with   Virgil who had suddenly manifested as “David Wayne” -  an
American actor from the 1940s, 50s, 60s best known as the “Mad Hatter” in the 60’s
“Batman” t.v show-and “Ellery Queen “ -also known for his role as a “leprechaun” in
the musical “Finians rainbow”-this is who Virgil as David Wayne appeared as-  the
leprechaun.  Zik was clattering down the stairs behind the humanoids as Mrs. Claus
reached the bottom step and pushed open a huge  , round wooden door that was large
enough for the alien spider and the nine foot tall Grond to comfortably pass through.
The distinguished Gray-haired lady flicked a light  switch that  reveal a long dark
tunnel. The tunnel led to a series of other

underground tunnels that ran like a maze underneath all of Christmas town and
Santa's   Castle/Workshop ,  where many ages ago,  when Santa was going by the name
“Father Christmas”  he  had   fought a battle against some  evil goblins that had
broken into the tunnels from below –as recorded by J.R.R Tolkien in “The Father
Christmas letters.” Mrs. Santa pointed to another old looking round, dark , oak door
with golden runes emblazoned on it. “This is far as we go,
( gesturing to the other
elves with her )
Hermes will go with you and we will be waiting for you all when you
get back.” Elvis swung the door open and a mist formed and swirled,  with lights
blinking in it like fireflies, He stepped through the portal, followed by his companions
and they found them selves standing in the entrance to a cave, over grown with moss
and dead  hanging foliage. Elvis walked out to see that it was an earthen mound
covered by snow over grass and heather,  

Slightly brown from winter where the snow  was  cleared. Smoky followed him out into
the cold light of a winter morning in England. The sky was gray and overcast and a
chill wind blew over the snow covered farmlands as Glastonbury Tor rose up in the
distance, an ancient man made hill now forever intertwined with legends of King
Arthur, Avalon and the Holy Grail. Smoky stood in powdery snow  up to his belly with
his spectacles fogging from the cold. “Let’s join the others inside.” They came back
into the cavern, stomping snow off

their feet. Virgil as David Wayne –the Leprechaun pointed his finger and a beam of
light shone on another round wooden door, further back in the cavern. “I believe this
is the entrance to Harvey’s place.” Elvis Mellon gestured for Virgil to take the lead
and he and Smoky followed Zik and the rest to the large door. Virgil turned a large
round, brass door handle and the door slowly creaked inward. They found themselves
looking into a cozy looking pub. The place looked rustic and old with large dark
wooden beams supporting the ceiling in a sort of “Tudor” style and there was a long
wooden bar and lanterns and candles illuminating a quaint room with billiard tables
and  a section with tables and chairs and shadowy denizens sat watching the new

arrivals enter. The place was smoky and smelled of good ale, pipe smoke, a fireplace
burning cherry wood and the faint lingering odor of wine and some pungent cheeses.
There were murmurs as the strange looking group led by a Leprechaun that
occasionally appeared to fade in and out ,a
Christmas elf, then a huge green , furry
monster with a big German Shepard dog, a tall man with a floppy , wide brimmed hat,
curly long hair, long coat and a scarf dangling by his heavy black boots, a dashing man
with dark , graying hair , military uniform with a black and silver cape under a black
parka, an incredible looking translucent purple spider , the size of a compact car, and
last but not least a large gray cat wearing glasses and a giant of a man wearing a
battered fedora, sport coat, a tie with   green Holly and Marijuana leaves on a red
back ground, clutching a martini glass.

As the Doc’s eyes got used to the dim light he saw sights that reminded him of the
diversity of many busy galactic bars and places of commerce. There were Halloween
witches, Faeries of both genders with gossamer wings and twinkling lights in their
hair, gnomes, pixies, an ancient looking man with a long white beard and long tan
robes sat with a huge hour glass on the table in front of him. Grond was starring at the
brown, hairy creatures that were as tall as him and could have been related to him.
Several of them were standing at the bar and a large rabbit,  the size of a man and
standing upright on his large hind legs , was dressed in human cloths, from the waist
up, a tweed jacket and vest , was behind the bar serving them drinks with twigs and
leaves floating in the large ceramic mugs he slid towards them.

Elvis Mellon stepped past his crewmates and sauntered  up to the bar next to the
Sasquatches that towered over him. He tipped his hat and nodded towards them as
they gave him  puzzled looks and then he bowed low to the bartender as Grond almost
knocked Elvis down, shouting.  “IT’S THE EASTER BUNNY!!” Elvis regained his
balance and hit Grond with his hat. “No- idiot, that’s Harvey the Pooka, its all coming
back to me now!” The large brown rabbit smiled and pulled one of his whiskers like a
man might play with his mustache. “Welcome to Harvey’s place, Elvis Mellon , and
your illustrious crew. We have been expecting you.”

To be continued  
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