ELVIS MELLON VS THE NAKED VAMPIRE WOMEN OF PLANET DOOM


A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION


PART #  6

COPYRIGHT 2005

The Naked vampire women’s ominous looking , Black  “Bat winged” ,   stealth  battle cruiser, “The
Impaler, ” was making a lay over, hidden in an unnamed and uncharted gas nebula that was often
over looked due to its proximity to the Crab Nebula, a supernova remnant and pulsar wind nebula in
the constellation of Taurus. The Impaler was cloaked and recharging its engines as well as   doing
some minor repairs before making its way back to their secret stronghold on Planet Doom, still some
light years away. Queen Drusilla, (“Dru” to her friends) had changed out of her usual outfit of nothing
but a cape and boots, and was now wearing blue sweat pants, a black t-shirt that said “Vampire’s
suck!”, white tennis shoes and  had her  dark, lustrous hair pulled back in a pony tail.  She was sitting
on one of the crates of booze they had just stolen from that outer rim colony world, amidst piles of
treasure and booty in the hold of the ship.
The vast hold   contained  piles of  every conceivable “booty” from  various galactic currency and
credits , precious  jewels and jewelry, technology from  a thousand different species and worlds,
robots, weapons, cloths, drugs, booze, medicines, fuel, ores, precious metals, zoo creatures ,  
computers and appliances, all loot from previous raids  and the area  directly around Drusilla was a
hive of activity with  several of her “sisters”  busy cataloging and sorting through everything with the
aid of several bots and man servants.

She was very pleased with their last raid except for the fact that one of their bat hybrids was killed
by a colonist. One of her top ranking “sisters” , a woman named  Magdalena, whom they called
“Madge”, still dressed in her Vampire outfit ( or undressed )  came up to her holding an elegant dark
brown leather case, opened up with several  crystal brandy snifters nestled in plush dark crimson ,
crushed velvet. “Here are those snifters we took from that geologist’s collection, the ones you said
that Elvis Mellon gave him from some
Famous historical personage on his home planet. These must be worth a fortune to anyone that
collects items from that world! Did you go there specifically to rob his friend and piss Elvis off?”
Drusilla shook her head negatively and grinned, showing her fangs. “NO, I decided we should go
there for the minerals, fuel, and colonist’s money, the fact that Elvis Me
llon’s friend was living there
with priceless items that Elvis acquired for him was an added bonus! I MAY have been keeping tabs
on him and scoping out Jetstoned treasures for awhile
, and Jetstoned  is kind of foxy but I wasn’t
going to try anything with that dammed spider of his  there!” Madge gazed at the snifters and
gingerly held one up to the light. “So did you know Elvis Mellon from a long time ago? Did he do
something to piss you off?”  


Dru nodded absently as she lit a cigarette and got lost in thought as she watched the blue smoke drift
up into the over head lights.  Madge went back to what she was doing; she left the snifters next to
Dru and walked away.   Drusilla was thinking of a time long ago and far away, when she had been
expelled from that all girls’ boarding school, Mrs. Matricide’s finishing school for manners and
etiquette, on the Plaedian capital world of Eldemaril
lion. Her Father was co-chairmen of the Galactic
Confederation high council and her Mother was a popular actress on a leading holo vid weekly series
“As the Neutron star turns” and they were not too  happy that their oldest daughter was expelled for
running a floating craps  game, getting caught stealing and fencing items from the school and teaching
other girls how to cheat at cards. They sent her off to live with her aunt Minnie until she turned
eighteen and wanted her to attend a local public school but she ran away and ended up hopping a
freighter to the outer rim worlds.  That’s where she eventually met Pirate Captain Smoothie O ‘Felon
with his ship-  “The Inebriator”, when he and his crew raided the freighter she was stowed away on.
She would never forget when the mixed crew of humanoids, renegade Draco and Grays, and many
different star races of every gender and non gender and sexual orientation, lead by the dashing but
often clumsy (thus his nick name “Smoothie”)
Captain Smoothie, who was an   equal opportunity employer, attacked and ransacked the “Shooting
star”, the afore mentioned freighter   where Drusilla was hiding below decks amidst the freight
containers and she ran into a young pirate named Elvis and he found her hiding out and deduced she
was a runaway and a stowaway and asked if she would like to  travel with him and the other pirates,
saying they were a lot more fun.  Elvis still   looked like  a kid then, and he had some wild stories
about how he was really almost eight hundred years old from all of his time and space travel though
he
didn’t look or feel a day over twenty two solar years old, he had taken the name "Elvis" from  a deity
on his planet, who was also  a apparently  a King.   He was tall and thin then and claimed to be from
the legendary quarantined frontier world of Earth! She had seen and heard  primitive radio and
television transmissions of radio signals and  two dimensional “motion pictures” and “television
programs” from there and could not  believe those savages hadn’t blown themselves off the planet
yet!!   She took a shine to Elvis just the same,  despite his bullshit and when Captain Smoothie made
her a pirate, she shared a bunk with Elvis for awhile.


Elvis seemed kind of naive and innocent for a pirate and she figured she could wrap him around her
little finger and make him a good “step and fetch it”, even if she was then  not even eighteen  and
Elvis had a few ( hundred…) years on her.  Elvis turned out to be a dark horse and a wild card , much
to her  chagrin and  that of the other pirates , Elvis ended up out drinking, out gambling, out stealing,
out fighting, out dueling, out conniving, out pirating all of them! Captain Smoothie really liked him but
was now threatened by him and worried that the crew might mutiny and follow Elvis instead. Dru
got tired of his incessant babbling  about the pop culture and history of his planet,    carrying on about
wanting to bring the music of his world, called "Rock and Roll",   to the rest of the galaxy and  like a
typical male he dumped her before she had a chance to dump him,  for a six breasted  Glandarian girl
from  Tau Ceti Vista no less,   that   had recently joined the crew after Captain Smoothie  kidnapped
her  from  job as a waitress and part time fry cook  at  the “Star dust diner,”  the popular chain of
diners in that sector,   after  the Inebriator’s    chief “cookie”  contracted some sort of strange   
Botulism like infection  from his own cooking and died.  
She and the captain both had reasons to want Elvis off the ship and hatched a plan to strand him on
some remote planet, with food and water and supplies to just get rid of him. Elvis some how got wind
of their plans  and he jumped ship first  by stealing a shuttle and half of the booty from their last raid  
and he even stole back all the jewelry and cloths he had given her, SOME that she was still wearing
while she slept!  He stole their booze supply    as well,  and even took the new cookie, the six breasted
Glandarian women, with him. (Go figure?)  Captain Smoothie swore revenge  and pursuit but    Elvis
seemed to have vanished from the galaxy  and  when they finally did run into him  so many years
had past that all was forgiven. BUT NOT with Drusilla!!   Dru couldn’t believe it when she started
hearing those illegal pirate radio broadcasts of that strange but wonderful Earth music called Rock
and Roll and heard the name “Elvis Mellon” and that familiar voice. When he re-ignited the war
between the Draco and the Confederation and became one of the most infamous outlaws in the
galaxy, wanted by BOTH sides she really couldn’t believe it! The icing on the cake is when he ended
up gaining support from most of the

Confederation for his incendiary broadcasts against the Draco  and  his fighting along side  a group of  
mercenaries , on missions against the Draco and their allies that the Confederation military
considered too  dangerous to send their own troops! She saw the holo vids of Elvis and his “rock
band” entertaining troops along the front battle lines while not on dangerous missions with the
infamous “Doctor Sax” and others.  Dru had stayed with Captain Smoothie and eventually became
his women and they had some goods years together before he not  only dumped her for a younger
model but also double crossed her over a financial matter and reneged on a few promises he made to
her. She decided to cut her losses and to strike out on her own and to become  the captain of her own
ship. She had been with O Felon when he stumbled upon (literally) some damaged Lubricators and
repaired and reprogrammed them and made them members of his crew and she had ended up
sabotaging the Inebriator’s engines and stealing one of the
Lubricators and mastering its technology.  She had gotten her own ship and pirate crew in no time
from some of the loot she kept hidden and soon she was one of the most feared pirates next to
Captain Smoothie, and she called her ship “The Castrator” which gave everyone some idea of her
intentions. Dru had learned that with few exceptions that males of almost any species were all
assholes, liars and for the most part self centered baby’s and even the half way decent ones often had
major flaws or issues like Elvis or Smoothie.  She ended up tiring of the basic pirate thing and
preferred working cons and gambling and one day she came up with the idea of combined the two.
The galaxy was rife with tales of Vampires and blood thirsty monsters and she remembered   seeing
those old Earth movies and tv shows that  Elvis turned her onto , , these “horror” movies with
women vampires like “Vampira” and a beautiful vampire women who hosted these movies named
“Elvira-mistress of the night” and she decided to get fake canine fang implants in her teeth and to
have her ears pointed and her skin changed to a greenish tinge. She recruited some of the female
members of her old crew and decided to make it an all female operation with men only allowed to be
submissive slaves and “muscle.”   

With the Lubricator technology and  some borrowed ideas from her days with Captain Smoothie, and
finding a nice remote, uninhabited planet to build a secret base of operations on , the “Naked
vampires of planet doom” were born. Now she and her crew were rich beyond the dreams of avarice
and conning the galaxy and having great fun doing it! And it had come full circle with her stealing
some of Elvis’s friend’s precious heirlooms since she hadn’t yet mastered how to get past ascendant
technology and steal from Elvis himself. She knew not to underestimate him but he was still after all
just a man and those imbeciles he traveled with were no better, except Doc Sax unnerved her a little
and Virgil was a far superior  artificial intelligence then anything she had ever encountered so she
would have to choose her next moves carefully,  but she WOULD enjoy playing the “cat and mouse”
game with Elvis and his crew. Then it occurred to her that she would also have to be wary of that  
dammed cat in Elvis’s crew!! HE was dangerous too; she had better find a way to neutralize that cat
or lure him over to her side.
As Queen Drusilla pondered her next move , almost half a galaxy away the Visigoth was nearing its
destination in the “wastelands” , an area devoid of inhabited worlds,  mostly space debris and
asteroid fields in the Perseus arm ,  one of the spiral arms of the Milky way galaxy. Smoky,  Elvis,
Cad Bomblinson and the Colonel  sat with Jeff Jetstoned  to the right of the wrap around bar, nearest
the huge view port to their right, the other crew members had gone off to other parts of the ship
save Grond and Thirteen , who were lounging in recliner chairs in front of the holo vid screen ,
watching the classic Ed Wood film “Plan 9 from outer space”  ( one of Elvis’s favorite movies ) and
Elvis kept looking over from the bar to try and catch parts of it while the Colonel rambled on and on
to their guests about   what he would like to do to the Vampire women  when they caught them and
unlike Elvis, his plans didn’t involve German potato salad or buckets of chicken, but rather lime Jello
and Nerf balls.  Thirteen had just whispered to Grond that it was nice to watch the movie without
Elvis or Zik giving a running commentary of the film or the Colonel having to ask what was
happening every two minutes, when the ships alarm klaxon’s sounded and the lights shifted to a red
tint. Virgil’s disembodied voice came from the lounges ceiling and all around in his David Niven
accent. “Elvis, I have detected the  wreckage of a starship    two paresecs from here and my sensors
have identified it as “The Inebriator”, your friend, Captain Smoothie O Felon’s vessel!”   TO  BE
CONTINUED  
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