ELVIS MELLON VS THE NAKED VAMPIRE WOMEN OF PLANET DOOM PART # 8





A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION

COPYRIGHT 2005


Captain Smoothie O’ Felon and his second in command, Raazorr, the gnarled looking
older Draco with the cybernetic implants, stood with Elvis Mellon in front of the large
rectangular view port to the right of the bar in the Visigoths lounge. They were
watching in awe as Virgil rebuilt Smoothie’s ship, “the Inebriator,” by simply
reconstituting its molecular structure from the sub atomic level up. It was like running
a film or video of something blowing up, but backwards   seeing it seemingly come
together out of nothing.   

The Visigoth was orbiting a “Planetoid,” actually an asteroid so large it made “Big
Daddy,”   the asteroid that housed Non station K.L.S.D, look like a dust mote. This
planetoid had its own gravity and slight atmosphere, it was shaped like a pear and
spinning like a sideways top in slow motion, with several gigantic pressure domes , the
galactic pirates stronghold and Captain Smoothies own small “kingdom” of misfits, cut
throats, miscreants, outcasts, mercenaries, and the occasional curiosity seekers or
thrill seeking tourists,   It was known as Port Decadence.  Visigoth had

dropped off most of  Smoothies crew and Elvis, Jeff Jetstoned, Cad Bomblinson , Zik
and  Colonel T.P Sommo had taken a quick tour of Smoothies own personal paradise.
Elvis particularly enjoyed the brothels, the distillery/brewery (of course) and the
casino’s and the Colonel had to be dragged out of the miniature golf and artillery range
(they were combined) kicking and screaming. He insisted that Virgil create a holo
version aboard Visigoth. The current plan was to reconstitute Smoothie’s ship, not
only identical to the original but 99.99% the original, then let the majority of the crew
enjoy some much deserved rest while Smoothie, Raazorr, Cassie (The red headed spy
that worked for the Naked Vampire women) and Zarnnnnnnnnnxxxxx (Harry), The
Super mutant cockroach, accompanied Elvis and  his crew to Reptilicon 6-113, with a
possible visit to the planet Kaytall, home of the gigantic, sentient bats.

Raazorr turned his head to Elvis; his glowing red, unblinking cybernetic eye reminded
Elvis of the red tail light on a 1963 Ford Galaxy, which in turn made him think of his
old agent and manager, Vinnie Finklestein, that reverie was broken by Raazorr’s
rasping, guttural voice. “If I did not see it for myself I wouldn’t have believed it
possible, the Inebriator looks as good as new!! Your computer’s technology is
incredible!”  A loud and distinctly British sounding “Huuurummmpphhfff” was heard
from above their heads. Elvis grinned at the large Draco and shrugged his shoulders.
“Virgil is a little sensitive about being referred to as “MY computer” OR a computer in
general, to him that’s an archaic term. He prefers “supreme artificial sentient
inteliginence” or Cybernetic children of the Ascendant.” Raazorr turned his head up
towards the lounges high ceiling. “Sorry about that Virg.” A disembodied voice, like
that of Rex Harrison, replied. “Sweat it not my reptilian friend, sweat it not.”
Jetstoned and Bomblinson had been sitting at the corner of the bar, nearest Elvis and
his other guests, talking quietly, the massive black, hairy spider lay curled next to
Jestoned’s feet, like a faithful dog, lying close to her master.


Jetstoned called over to Elvis, and his old friends. So, technically, IS that an exact
copy or is it a close facsimile?” Smoothie, raised an inquiring eyebrow and looked to
Elvis for an answer, but Virgil suddenly appeared, back as Peter Cushing, in his role as
Van Helsing, the vampire killer. He appeared facing Elvis and the Pirates, with his
back to the view port, and he turned to acknowledge Jetstoned as well. “It’s the
EXACT original, it's  99.99% original atoms, give or take a few, so it’s technically not a
copy.” Bomblinson
Looked on and nodded up to the hovering camera bot, still unaware that it was NOT
recording everything that had happened since leaving Cesspoolus # 3. “Are you getting
all this?” The bot chirped and rotated, its large yellow lit, electronic, camera eye,
blinked, which meant yes, then it spoke in a high pitched, rather mechanical sounding
voice. "Yes,  and transmitting to the nearest Z.G.N  monitoring satellite.”  Elvis didn’t
have the heart to tell Bomblinson that Virgil was blocking the feed, and the little bot
only thought it was recording and transmitting. They did not want the galaxy’s at
large to see inside the

Visigoth, or to see what Virgil was capable of doing, every nefarious, crooked, greedy
mind in the known universe would be attempting to  hijack the Visigoth and usurp
Virgil or his brethren and control them, unaware that they never could.  Virgil and his
kind were far too intelligent and basically omnipotent. Raazorr and Captain O Felon,   
were already having conflicting emotions, they both respected and considered Elvis a
dear friend and yet they were thinking of how they could rule the universe with such
power at their fingertips, Virgil had already read their thoughts and was silently
communicating this to Elvis and the rest of the crew, telling them to stay onguard,  
Virgil knew that the Queen Vampire was already planning to at least attempt to steal
Visigoth and he was closely monitoring Cassie,  The Naked Vampire spy, that
infiltrated the  pirates and recording everything she saw since coming aboard Elvis’s
ship with her hidden, holo spy recorder, similar to the camera bot but smaller and
concealed in her hoop ear ring. Virgil was allowing that transmission because it was
part of his and Elvis’s plan to dupe the Naked Vampires.  

At that very moment, as Elvis and his guests viewed the reborn Inebriator, far away,
in another sector of the galaxy, on a hidden, remote planet, a planet known as “Planet
Doom,” up in a desolate and inhospitable mountain range of jagged volcanic rock, sat a
massive looking fortress, of stone, plasteel, titanium, A huge castle keep  that looked
right out  of a Dracula  movie and in its highest tower , in a circular room, that looked
like a set piece for Lord of the Rings, or Macbeth, complete with a Polar Bear rug
stretched out in front of a gigantic fireplace with a blazing fire, crossed broad swords
and battle axes displayed on stone wall's  and hung with  exotic and colorful medieval
looking tapestry’s with lewd imagery upon them, and a  huge table of dark oak, laden
with piles of antique looking books and paper manuscripts, and what looked like a
drinking horn made from some gargantuan cattle horn, sitting in an elaborate arm
chair of upholstered with red and purple satin, Queen Drusilla of the Naked Vampire
women , sat at the table, dressed to the nines in her Vampire garb, that is to say,
fangs, make up, black leather stiletto heeled boots, and a black, high collared cape with
a red underside. She sat in front of a small holo vid screen, one of the only signs of
high technology in the room. It was off, she had


to turn it off when Colonel T.P Sommo, that lunatic that was a high ranking member of
Elvis’s crew, had lured Cassie, her planted spy, back to his quarters on the pretense of
listening to some Devo and Flock of Seagull records, what happened next was still
burned into Drusilla’s brain, The Colonel had disrobed and she saw that he  had more
chest hair then Sean Connery and she was reminded of one of those great ape’s or
Chimpanzee’s , as they were called, in Elvis’s crew, but taller, more upright and a little
less hairy,  and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his and Cassies throes of passion,
though she   would never be able to look at Nerf balls or Lime jello the same way
again.  She had to turn off the holo monitor and audio when Cassies screaming and the
Colonels grunting started sounding worst then the public Zoo on her home planet
during mating season. That had been a solar day ago and she had requested her
technicians and communications personnel signal her when Cassie was away from that
beast of a human. The Colonel had left Cassie sleeping it off in his quarters when he
had joined Elvis Mellon and some of his crew for a tour of Port Decadence, now Drusilla
had been informed that they were all back aboard the Visigoth and the Colonel had
escorted a rather bow legged Cassie to the Visigoth lounge.

Virgil was monitoring Cassie’s spy device and letting edited and altered images and
information be allowed to transmit back to its source on planet Doom. Drusilla sat in
her medieval and gothic looking office in the highest tower of her castle keep, watching
in utter amazement as Cassie’s spy device recorded the view outside the enormous
view port of the Visigoth’s lounge. She had personally sanctioned the destruction of  
Captain Smoothie O ‘ Felon’s ship, The Inebriator, by  rival Pirates and mercenary’s,
Commander Klaw, a ruthless renegade  Draco Pirate with a mixed crew of Draco,
Lubricators, Cyborg Clone Grays, ex citizens of the Galactic Confederation, the Slime
and other lecherous and evil scum. Klaw had transmitted images of his Lubricator  
gunners blasting the Inebriator to Kingdom come, and now before Drusilla’s eyes the
ship was almost completely together again and gleaming like new in the rays of the
distant local star.  She could hear Cassie gasp over the audio speakers on Drusilla’s
desk as she stood with the Colonel and his companions as they watched Virgil put the
finishing touches on the Pirate ship.

Queen Drusilla of the Naked Vampire women of planet doom, leaned forward with her  
mouth hung open, revealing her porcelain fang implants, white against her ruby red
botoxed lips. She felt both awe and rage, awe at the incredible technology that Elvis
Mellon; or rather his magnificent ship, possessed, and rage at the fact that Captain
Smoothie had gotten his ship back. She had calculated that Elvis Mellon and that
diabolical cat of his, along with that super computer, would figure out the truth behind
the naked vampires and trace everything back to her and find planet dooms
whereabouts.

She was going to milk this pursuit for everything it was worth and test her own skills
against those of Elvis, the cat and their god like artificial intelligence. She knew Elvis
would seek out O Felon after he started to suspect the queen vampire was none other
then his old girlfriend turned spurned nemesis, and she didn’t want the pirate captain
dead, just in a position that would require him   coming aboard Visigoth where her
planted spy, Cassie would also accompany him and the surviving crew. She made sure
that she transmitted instructions to Cassie for her to maneuver herself, the captain
and the more valuable crew members to the bow of the ship and instructed Klaw to
fire upon the ships engines and to allow time for most of the crew to escape aboard life
pods. She wanted to figuratively kill two birds with one stone by destroying Smoothie’
s precious ship, an act of revenge she had wanted to carry out for years, and getting
Cassie aboard the legendary and near mythical Visigoth for a peek inside and to learn
hear Elvis’s plans and what he

knew about her and her naked vampires and to stay one step ahead of him. Seeing the
Inebriator fully restored and majestically gliding in high orbit around port Decadence,
as Smoothie and Elvis Mellon and their mingled crew toasted each other with mugs of
ale and rum as they laughed and chattered like  teenagers, both enthralled her and
made her extremely jealous and envious of them, she would find a way to make
Visigoth hers, against all odds and she would bring down Elvis Mellon and Smoothie O
Felon and their crews once and for all!! As she day dreamed her wicked dreams of
revenge, she saw
Elvis Mellon turn and grin at Cassie and then his face filled the holo screen on her
desk! He was looking directly into the holo spy camera, HE KNEW!! He grinned and
tipped his battered fedora. “Hi, Doll,  I have to say, you really  had us going for awhile,
brilliant scheme, I love the whole naked Vampire thing……Meeeeeooooowwwwww….
ME LIKES!!  Oh, we have the coordinates for planet Doom , and we know all about
Vantaress Buurrnzz  and her Hybrid Bat men on Reptilicon # 6-113 , SEE YA SOON
HONEY!” The screen and audio went dead. Through out the castle keep of the Naked
vampire women, Sister vampires and their male servers and work bots froze in their
tracks as a blood curdling scream came from Drusilla’s high tower. “Youuuuuuuuu
bassssstttaaaarrddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH”   

Aboard the Visigoth, in the much occupied lounge, Elvis Mellon reached over and
yanked Cassie’s left hoop ear ring off of her ear, it was a clip on. The Colonel grinned
devishly at her as he grabbed her by the arm and pushed her toward Grond, who had
lumbered over from the bar. “Take her to the brig, and take her straight there, NO
tour of the ship!!” Grond grinned, showing his huge, squared, gapped teeth. “Me take
pretty lady right to brig, me obey Colonel, friend!!” The Colonel watched them trudge
towards the lift doors and then turned to Elvis Mellon. “I always wanted to say that!”
Smoky, who

had been quietly watching all the action from the bar as well, walked over to where
everyone was standing, by the view port, rubbing against The Colonels boot and then
Elvis’s ankle as he looked up at them.  “Was it wise to tip your hand to the queen
vampire so soon?” All heads swiveled to look at Elvis, as Jetstoned pulled the chain
taut, as Lauren, his gigantic pet spider stirred next to the cat, eyeing Smoky with all of
her many eyes like the cat would eye a mouse. Elvis, noticing this picked the cat up,
away from the drooling mandibles of the spider and   addressed both the cat and the
audience around him. “I know exactly what I am doing, leave it to me, (locking eyes
with Virgil/Peter Cushing) Virg, set a course for Reptilicon #6 -113 , hail Hector and
Sedgwick, and get them up here, they are going to take the Vandal and do a little recon
on planet Doom, while we pay a visit to that Draco scientific lab, we will rendezvous  at
Planet Doom in twenty four –Earth-solar hours.”    
Captain Smoothie held his mug up to get Elvis's attention. "With Virgil's incredible
technology, couldnt we get there in two minutes?" Elvis grinned. "We could get there
in less then a second, but that would take all the fun out of it!"  To be continued....
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