ELVIS MELLON VS THE NAKED VAMPIRE WOMEN OF PLANET DOOM
PART # 9

A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION

COPYRIGHT 2005





Queen Drusilla of the Naked Vampire women of Planet Doom sat at her massive desk, high up in the
tower room that was her office and command center. She was fuming and furious at Elvis Mellon as
she   puffing on a big cigar and she tried to calm herself and figure out her next move.  The various
paperweights, pens, papers, and various knick knacks often found on desk’s including a Bat
shaped reading lamp, were now scattered about and smashed on the floor of the circular, stone
tower room. She was allowed a tantrum every now and then and had felt a little better after
smashing her Elvis Mellon coffee mug into the fire place. Why she ever  bought it she would never
know, perhaps a bit of sentimentality from their shared past, but no more!! She hardened her heart
and watched the painted image of Elvis melt off the shards of the mug; it was a cheap piece of crap

Anyway that she had bought at some rest stop fuel station orbiting Lampora. He sure was full of
himself, she thought, as she inhaled the brandy soaked cigar like it was a joint of primo dope.  Mr.
big shot Pirate radio station DJ and media celebrity, she still couldn’t believe he had his own
merchandizing! Elvis Mellon T –shirts, coffee mugs, bed sheets, an action figure, of   him and the
whole crew no less, she was surprised he didn’t have his own brand of booze out with his name on
it but she was sure he was working on it. What really sickened her were the holo comics and toys,
children all over the known galaxies were reading the cleaned up adventures of that self serving
drunken, womanizing hedonist.

Kids, spawn, pupae and larva all over had Elvis Mellon posters on their bedroom walls, with that
crew of miscreants and rejects, including that dammed cat and the neurotic spider!  Elvis’s former
agent and manager, Vinnie Finklestein had created a monster when he suggested that Elvis spruce
up his image and get a stage act and a radio show, and she knew that dammed cat was behind the
merchandizing and media hype. That friggin cat was a marketing genius and could sell garbage to
the super mutant cockroaches!! That cat had taken

That drunken, bloated, self absorbed deviant and turned him into some kind of galactic media
sensation and superhero. It boiled her blood that a guy that put beer on his breakfast cereal,
whiskey in his morning coffee and shamelessly flirted with anything in a skirt or with a pulse, was
worshipped by billions of children and had legions of fans across this and other galaxies!!  Any
attempts at exposing him as some kind of miscreant pirate or inebriated pervert were spin doctored
by the cat and Elvis’s super A.I, Virgil into him being the “Rogue with the heart of gold.”    She was
balling her left hand into a fist so tightly that she didn’t even notice she was bleeding from her
long, sharpened nails digging into the skin of her palm. She called aloud to the two way transceiver
above her head. “Ma
dge, ready the Impaler, we are going to take the fight to Elvis and his precious
Visigoth, but first we are going to swing by Reptilicon # 6-113.”

Many light years away in the wastelands of the Perseus arm, the Visigoth was leaving behind Port
Decadence and the fully restored “Inebriator” that was in orbit above it. Visigoth gleamed crimson
as it majestically glided away from the behemoth asteroid and negotiated its way through the
neighboring space debris, both naturally and other wise, that comprised the “wastelands.” Captain
Smoothie O Felon and several  members of his crew were with Elvis Mellon and his associates in the
ships lounge, watching the “Vandal” come around from the below hanger deck as it glided along
side Visigoth, the two Chimps, Hector and Sedgwick, visible in the Vandals cockpit. The Vandal was
a smaller, sleeker and more sinister looking version of the Viking, painted midnight black with large
blood red letters  reading  ( in standard )   “VANDAL”  on the side behind the cockpit. Below the
name “Vandal” it read. “Kill  Em all and let  God   sort em out.” Smoothie turned to Elvis as they
stood by the large bay window. “Nice touch.”

Elvis grinned back at him and raised his mug. “Thanks, I rather like it myself.”
Elvis stood with Captain O ‘ Felon and his first mate “Raazorr, ” waving to Hector and Sedgwick,
while most of Elvis’s crew, including Zik, Colonel T.P Sommo, Doc. Sax and Grond, sat in the small
section of theater seats directly a cross from the bay window, facing the huge holo theater screen.
They were watching Walt Disney’s 1954 classic adaptation of Jules Verne’s “Twenty Thousand
Leagues under the sea.”   Zik kept getting Virgil to play back the part where the giant squid attacks
the Nautilus during the Typhoon, and the Colonel kept shouting. “Enough with the F#@$ing squid
already!!!How many times do we have to see it?!”

Elvis nodded at his Chimpanzee crew mates and the Vandal veered off and away, its thrusters
glowing blue as it shot to a pin point of light and disappeared. Elvis turned to notice Cad
Bomblinson and Jeff Jetstoned were sitting at the bar to the right, near to him and his newest
guests. Smoky sat on a bar stool to the left of Bomblinson,  occasionally glancing down at the
monstrous, hairy spider that lay at Jestoned’s feet like a dog, its chain leash gripped firmly in its
masters hand. The holographic bartender was back to appearing as W.C Fields and was wiping the
bar with a rag in front of Smoky as the cat directed a question at Elvis. “So am I to assume you
have formulated a plan to deal with these duplicitous, demonic damsels?” Elvis motioned for
Captain Smoothie and Raazorr to join him at the bar as he sauntered over with a devilish grin.
“Duplicitous, demonic

Damsels, huh? I like that, reminds me of how the narrator on the old Batman show used to talk.
You should know me by now my nefarious, furry, feline friend. Of course I have a plan!” Captain
Smoothie and Raazorr stood at the bar to the right of Elvis, looking expectantly at him, curious to
hear his plan. Elvis placed his beer mug in front of him on the bar and then gingerly moved his bar
stool away from the hairy legs of “Lauren, ” Jestoned’s devoted “pet, ” as she   glared up at him
with her myriad of shiny black eyes, Elvis imagined she saw him as a big juicy steak as he sat his
rather massive frame down at the bar. “Hector and Sedgwick are going to pay a rather clandestine

visit to this “Planet Doom,” since our astute super intelligence, Virgil ,  Obtained its coordinates
and  Since the Doc. And our illustrious Colonel have interrogated our Vampire woman prisoner and  
kept me up to speed on the latest intel, we are going to  rendezvous with the Vandal at planet
Doom after paying a visit to my old friend’s, the “Kaytall, ” the bat people. It seems this Vantaress
Buurrnzz , the Bitch, Draco scientist on Reptilicon 6-113, has been enslaving and experimenting
on   them, turning them into some half bat, half humanoid clones that she sells to the Vampire
women as part of their labor force. We are going to throw a monkey wrench into their operation and
then we hit Reptilicon # 6-113 , then onto Planet Doom for a showdown. Does this meet with your
approval?”   Before the cat

Could answer Virgil materialized behind the bar, still in Peter Cushing/Van Helsing mode, a glint in
his eye as he stroked his chin. “You may want to rethink things, apparently the Vampire’s flag ship,
the “Impaler” has just left orbit from planet Doom and it’s got a small fleet marauders with it. They
are heading towards Draco space, most likely to Reptilicon # 6-113. You may want to for go your
visit to the Kaytall home world and we can be at Reptilicon # 6  -113  before they get there.” All
eyes were on Elvis as the rest of the present crew had finished their holodrama and were now
gathered at the bar, Zik nervously eyeing Lauren as he rested his front appendages up on the bar.
Elvis in turn was eyeing the cat, as if hoping to hear some sage advice.

Elvis got up from his bar stool and stood by  the bar with his hands clasped behind his back in a
stance he imagined that Captain Horatio Hornblower might take while preparing for battle as he  
looked around to meet the expectant gaze of his crew and guests. You could almost here a pin
drop except for Gronds heavy breathing and the low rumble of his stomach. Elvis relaxed his pose
and leaned against the bar, his shoulders slumped as he reached for his mug. “Um, Smokey? Do
you agree with Virgil?” The cat swiveled his bar stool to the right, in the direction of his boss.
“How can I not? My family was genetically engineered by Virgil’s creators and I may be smarter then
all you morons but in comparison to Virgil and his kind I still have the consciousness of an amoeba
by comparison.” Elvis wiped beer froth from his beard and nodded.  “That’s what I thought you
would say, JUST testing you. Virgil lets follow your plan and set a course for  Reptilicon 6-113 ,
inform  the Vandal of the change in plans and tell them we will keep them  posted, and tell them not
to do anything stupid and don’t get caught by the Vampires, they must have left slaves, workers
and auxiliary guards behind.”

As the Visigoth and the Impaler both set course for Reptilicon 6-113 from different parts of the
galaxy for what might prove to be a fateful showdown, in another section of the galaxy, deep in
heavily populated Draco space, near the capitol home world of Zauropolis, The emperor of the
Draco star empire, Zor, sat back in his command chair, on the bridge of his flag ship,
“Decapitator.” He had renamed the world that now glittered below him on the triangular view screen
in front of him, after he had ascended from high commander of Draco forces to his Father, Rex’s,
throne. This was not the first time an emperor had renamed the ancestral home of the Draco, Rex
himself had changed it from   “Raptoropolis” as named by his Father, “Raptororex the Great, ”   to
“Rexoropolis.”

Zor preferred the  comfort and safety of his flag ship then that of his vast fortified citadel/palace in
the center of the largest city on Zauropolis, aptly named “Zaurtropolis.”
Having been military minded ever since Rex decided he was living too soft a life as a palace brat,
and as an adolescent of eighty Earth human years old ( Draco age slowly and live much longer then
warm blooded humanoids, eighty is about twelve in Draco years) shipped Zor off to the toughest
Military school in the Draco empire, an elitist school that  trained the “Red claw,” The most highly
trained and  fiercest of all Draco shock troops, their version of “Special forces.” Zor being the
oldest, and ironical the only son of Rex, his others sons all dying young of mysterious freak
accidents rare diseases, that left Zor, (go figure? )
Heir to the throne and Rex wanted a well rounded successor, not a soft, fat, spoiled brat to take up
his mantle, so he packed him off to the “Red claw military academy.”  Zor hated it at first but soon
became top of his class, and rose above the ranks to become a much decorated combat officer and
graduating with top honors, got command of his first starship, “the Revengence,” at the rare young
age of eighty six. He had loved the life of a combat officer, star battle cruiser captain, and high
commander too much to just sit on the throne in his palace, letting others do his bidding. He loved
action and most of all battle

and he had just received reports over his secured channel from Draco spies in the Galactic
Confederation, that the Naked Vampire women were on the move again and  his arch nemesis  Elvis
Mellon, aboard his beloved “Visigoth, was on his way to intercept the Vampires fleet in Draco
space. Zor’s, huge , yellow, crocodile like eyes gleamed  as he looked about at his leather and
battle armored bridge crew, all busily working at their stations ready to give their lives at a moments
notice for their emperor.  (  Zor went through a lot of bridge crews but that’s another story ) He
hated those dammed humanoid vampire women and the fact that they recognized no borders and
plundered and terrorized many Draco colony worlds as much as they did Confederation ones. This
was his big chance to kill two birds with one claw and finally get rid of two big thorns in his side,
Elvis Mellon and that naked vampire queen bitch! “Commander Zoorggh, inform the fleet they are to
rendezvous with us at Reptilicon 6-113!”

As the enormous star battle cruiser and flag ship “Decapitator” left orbit of Zauropolis, on the
planet’s surface, on the outskirts of the capital city Zaurtropolis, Myron Buurrnzz  sat in the back
room of his beauty salon, listening to his  multi channel subspace scanner, an illegal  
transceiver/transmitter, that he built himself from skills he had learned from his estranged Father
Hemroidicus Buurrnzz,  the infamous  research scientist  for the Draco military stationed at none
other then Reptilicon 6-113.  His Dad’s getting him lots of erector sets and junior scientist kits on
his birthday had paid off and as our readers may recall,  Myron had  rebelled against his dad and
was a known vegetarian, heretic, cross dresser   ( among other things ) and   rejected his fathers
ideals and values and he had struck out on his own to find himself and explore his sexuality

( among other things ) and  he ended up pursuing his true passion; working his way from
sweeping the floor at a down town beauty salon to doing piercing and electrolysis and make up,
etc, to finally opening his own  chain of beauty salons on both Zauropolis and other colony worlds
and he did o.k. for himself. What his father and scientist sister did not realize was that Myron was a
member of a clandestine group of Draco called the “F.O.T.G.C” ( “Friends of the Galactic
Confederation” )   led by the emperor Zor’s own sister, Princess Vipra, and they  were peace loving
and Galactic federation friendly and  for the most part vegetarians , which was actually more of  
genetic trait rather then a choice, but most of all they   opposed Zor and the Draco military
commands heavy handedness. Myron had just intercepted the same transmission that Zor received
regarding the Visigoth and the Naked Vampire fleet both headed to Reptilicon 6-113. Myron he
must get a message through to his fellow rebels and if possible warn Elvis Mellon that Zor and the
Draco fleet would be laying in wait. This would not be easy but he had to try and reach Princess
Vipra and her husband “whats his name?”

TO BE CONTINUED....
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