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Origins of Elvis Mellon part # two  “ICE STATION SOMMO”  

A Quinn Martian production  

Copyright 2006/2011

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Location:  the Planet of Triune # 2 - in the Triune Hexarus star system -   -Southern Hemisphere –
The  equatorial plains of “Draingoon.”  Triune # 2 was a rather arid planet, slightly larger then
the planet Earth, no oceans to speak of except for a series of rather large lakes dotted
around the globe, with an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere, and  temperate jungles and forests
around its equator. There had been a very  pre industrial  stone age culture of humanoids
native to the planet  until the Draco and their allies bombed almost  all of  them out of
existence, using the survivors  for slave labor or their dinners and lunches, save for a handful
that the galactic confederation was able to rescue and transplant to another planet. The
galactic confederation had tried very hard to protect the hunting gathering -humanoids
and all the planets life forms from their clandestine mining Operations up in the mountainous
regions along the equator of the planets southern hemisphere.

When the Draco arrived uninvited and in force and killed and or imprisoned the
confederation miners and took over their camps, they also carpet bombed most of the
planet to eradicate any pesky life forms, this had already happened to Triune # 1 and # 3
and it was these actions of open hostility that prompted the confederation to unleash their
full military might to stop the Draco from claiming these worlds as their own, but
unfortunately for them , the Draco  had arrived in  force with  full battle fleets and  landing
forces of their own  shock troops , legions of Gray cyborg clones and super mutant  
cockroaches, the Lubricators, and the slime, among others, and the Triune Hexarus star
system became yet another front in the Draco/Galactic Confederation war that was
reignited    by the actions of a certain unwitting refugee from Earth who got his own pirate
radio station, but that’s another story.  The Draco had launched a blitzkrieg assault on these
three planets and had already taken two of them over completely by the time the
confederation rallied enough troops and armaments to dig in deep on Triune # 2 with half of
that world under their control.  

General Malaize of the Super mutant cockroaches planetary invasion assault forces , stood
with Major Salmonella on the rocky bluffs on the Draco alliance  side of   the desolate
wasteland of a battle field that  lay   in between the two armies that  were   locked in a stale
mate for  over three solar months  now. It was not unlike the “No man’s land” of World war #
one in Earth’s history, with both sides dug in deeper then flea’s on a blood hound, miles upon
miles of trenches and tunnels on either side, housing countless troops, assault vehicles,
munitions, emergency triage hospitals and morgues, in between a vast plain, once fertile
land, now a blood soaked desert filled with burnt and rotting corpses from both sides, sonic
mine fields, miles of razor wire and disruptor fields. No one had advanced in months and
casualties were heavy on both sides.  The two super mutant cockroaches were gigantic in
comparison to their earth cousins, about the size of  extended Ford  econoline van’s but
other wise very similar   to earth cockroaches, except that they were encased in an
exoskeleton that served as  natural  body armor, nearly  impervious to any  projectile or

Lasers had to be upgraded beyond “kill” to just wound or “dent” them.  They had evolved
for untold millions of years on a planet not dissimilar to earth where the former dominant
species, top of the food chain, apex Predator, etc, had nuked themselves out of existence
and the cockroaches filled that niche and evolved into sentient beings, and eventually split
the atom themselves and discovered faster then life space travel. They had also grown to
be the size of small buses or vans and they became one of the galaxies top scavenger races  
and built a civilization based on others junk, garbage, refuse, and unlike the Draco, they did
not want to rule the galaxy or universe, they were not interested in killing or enslaving other
races or life forms, but they were not beyond swindling them, cheating them, bamboozling
them if they got in their way or interfered with their spreading out into every corner of the
known space.

The Draco had found the cockroaches extremely difficult to conquer or dominate and after
several long drawn out wars that nearly bankrupt the empire, with massive casualties and
loss of resources on their part, they called a truce and found it was better to have them as
allies. The cockroaches found that   they could also manipulate the Draco and their Gray
cyborg clone legions to do most of the dirty work in terms of killing and enslaving other races
and the cockroaches could come in and do the scavenging. Eventually the Draco’s
aggression and war like nature rubbed off on them and the cockroaches became more
adept at killing and enslaving others themselves, but as a race they were far less evil then
the Draco, though  even among the Draco  there are those that are non aggressive and  
who wish only to live in peace as vegetarians, a sub species of benign  reptilians looked down
upon by their hostile, meat eating brethren. When the cockroaches allied themselves with
the Draco and Slime, they automatically became enemies of the Galactic Confederation
but they too had their peace loving, altruistic members who had defected to the
confederation.  The General and Major were not among them.      

General Malaize was looking through a long range pair of binoculars held up to his
compound eyes by one of his front legs as he ate a  large, moldy pastrami on rye sandwich
with rancid mayonnaise and mustard, just how he liked it. He talked as he chewed.
“Mmmmmm….(  chew, chew, chew )  I think Rex bit off more then he could chew on this
one, Mmmmpphhfffff,   ( chew, chew, chew)   the confederation is dug in deep, they just
moved in four more divisions …(  chew, chew, chew) … mmmmppphhff…of repulsors tanks
and heavy artillery, looks like they are setting up  more plasma mortars and  I can see  fresh  
Lyran commando’s coming out of the transports, replacements for the ones we incinerated
in yesterdays skirmish…( Beeeeelch!!  …” General Malaize’s binoculars panned across the
plains below. It was a chaotic and nightmarish scene. Beyond the trenches, bunkers, razor
wired fences and glimmering force fields of the Draco/Cockroach/slime/Lubricator side, the
latest skirmish had just ended and dirty, wounded, battle scarred troops of armored Draco
and Gray Cyborg clone soldiers, some riding on the backs super mutant cockroaches with
heavy ordinance mounted on their naturally armored shells, huge lazer cannons and
projectile weapons, marched wearily towards the relative safety of their entrenchments.

Individual slime entity “soldiers” crawled and rolled behind them, many battered and broken
Lubricators trailed  along , leaving a slick trail of oil behind them. They did not bother to take
their dead with them; Draco and slime corpses along with a few cockroaches  were stacked
like cord
Wood  and  scattered all   over the dusty and rock strewn field.  The Confederation troops
suffered the same casualties as humanoid and non humanoid troops dragged themselves
back to their side. Both parties had the technology and fire power to mutually annihilate
each other into nothingness with planet killers, atomics, neutron bombs, virulent deadly bio
warfare that killed in seconds   and the Draco were notorious for using them on occasion but
they also liked to use their enemies as slave labor and food and using planet killers here would
defeat the whole purpose of conquering these worlds for their resources. The Galactic
Confederation prided itself in its altruism and its founded members of Lyrans and their
descendants - the Plaedians among other founding groups like the Arcturans and
Andromedians, were dedicated to fair play and they did not want to destroy the planets
biospheres or damage their environments any more then necessary to defeat the reptilians,
unlike the Draco, the confederation would never strip mine planets and did their best to heal
them and leave them better off then when they found them. The cockroaches did not hate
the confederation or their humanoid members, but they found them annoying and too
wholesome for their liking but they loved their garbage and waste.

The cockroaches had even had a long   standing peace with them and they were on the
short list for membership in the confederation when their great Mother made an alliance
with Rex’s Father, the former emperor.   Needless to say that put them on the confederations
enemies list and when the Draco went to war with the confederation, the super mutant
cockroaches were obliged to step in, naturally they made sure it was worth their while and
they were dammed sure going to get something out of the deal. General Malaize was
supposed to meet with the Draco high commander, Zor to inform  him that the super
mutant cockroaches wanted at least one of the planets now referred to as Rex’s balls and   
the general  knew from  past dealings with Zor that  this was not going to go over too well,
and if Rex was any thing like his son Zor, he would not be too happy about this either but the  
great Mother herself had told the general that she wanted  one of the  planets with  the
best  resources  and fighting the galactic confederation  over this had been  no  picnic, and
now the general was going to bring down Zor’s and Rex’s wrath  upon himself with this
request.  He was  chewing antacid tablets like candy.  They had made little progress against
the confederation but t had been more of a stale mate with high casualties on both sides
but little ground gained.

The Confederation was known for always trying to do the right thing and  trying to be
diplomatic and honest and the cockroaches had no respect  for that  and the
Confederation  was just so goody two shoes and always playing fair  even when dealing with
the Draco and their untrustworthy  allies, so  more conventional weapons were used by the
do gooders  to minimize environmental impact and loss of native life. That plan was rendered
null when the Draco came in and carpet bombed every thing.  The  general pondered all of
this as he scanned the battlefield and  he  noticed that some of the  surviving native  life   
forms,   Triune # 2’s surviving predators,  a type of Yarmaw adapted to hotter climates, had
come out of their dens to feed on the carrion.  General Malaise found himself thinking of a
nice juice steak as he watched the deadly predators scavenge and chomp on Draco
carcass’s and some were even biting through the tough natural armor of dead super
Mutant cockroaches and he found  his craving for steak disappearing. He half heartedly  
chewed the last of his sandwich and put down his binoculars on a near by rock.

“Those dammed Yarmaw’s are eating the dead again, I had thought with the Draco
appetite for fresh meat, they would be killing and eating more of them but  they even
brought their own cattle , abducted from that quarantined  frontier planet, earth, that’s
where pastrami and rye sandwiches come from."
Major Salmonella was busy watching the General finishing the last of the sandwich and he
found himself salivating. “Sir, when you were you on Earth?”  General Malaize turned his
massive bulk of a body away from the battle field and stretched and shook his head, his long
antenna’s swept the ground behind him. “I was never on Earth but that’s where Elvis Mellon
is from and he turned me on to pastrami and rye, him and his manager, Vinnie Finklestein ,
are both from Earth, and pretty  nice as far as humanoids go, especially for primitive talking
primates from THAT backwards planet.”  Major Salmonella was shocked. “Sir, you, you know
Elvis Mellon? Isn’t that consorting with the enemy,  sir?”  The general chuckled and belched
again, motioning for the major to follow him back down to the trenches.

“ I was not always in the military , son, and some years back  I was a young junior cockroach
and full of piss and vinegar as Vinnie would say, and  I fell in with a pack  of rebellious
cockroaches that  were drifting around the galaxy , raising hell and hustling and we joined a
pirate crew for awhile, a real  motley band of  buccaneer’s, we had humanoids, Mantis’s,
non humanoids, rebel Draco and  Grays and  even Lubricators! We met another crew run by
Captain Smoothie O Felon and Elvis Mellon had once been  in his crew and Smoothie was
looking for him, seems Elvis had crossed him and Smoothie  put a reward  out for anyone that
found him, well we found him, him and his  manager Vinnie when they had that old
freighter,  “ The Delapidator.”  This was after Elvis met up with the cybernetic children of the
Ascendant but before he got the Visigoth,  and he had just started up his pirate radio
station K.L.S.D, long story short, he and Vinnie turned out to be friendly and unscrupulous
guys, something we cockroaches had to admire.  

They paid us more the Captain Smoothie was  paying to keep our mouths shut and one
night when were all drinking together, Elvis and Vinnie turned us on to pastrami and rye, and
I thought I had died and gone to heaven, we parted ways the next day and we found out
the loot they paid us  with was counterfeit and they had flimflammed us and someone in
Elvis’s posse, I think that dammed Spider from    Arachnidonazatharain , stole the flux
capacitor from our hyper drive and it took  us three months to get  back to  home. I have to
admire those sons of bitches, even the spider. Do you know that those spiders drink rocket
fuel?” The cockroaches had been scurrying down the rocky side of the bluff’s and were now
into the Draco alliance  trenches, with other microbus sized cockroaches snapping to
attention and saluting them as they walked by. The trenches were filled with Draco, Gray
cyborg clones, Draco kill bot’s, Lubricators, all hurrying to and fro, engaged in every kind of
activity, carrying supplies, polishing and servicing weapons, tending to their wounded, which
for Draco, usually meant  terminating those in critical condition as to  not waste precious
medicine, food, oxygen,  unless it was someone important or related to someone important
or they could pay a lot to  keep them alive.

Major Salmonella was trying to catch up with the General as they passed a Draco doctor
tending to a wounded Draco soldier with a disintegrator, and the major tried to sound
worldly.” I have drunk some stuff that tasted like Rocket fuel before!”  The general stopped in
the middle of the  dirt and plasteel boarded   open topped trench/walk way. “No, I mean
they literally drink ROCKET FUEL to get wasted, pure high octane rocket fuel like they used to
use on those primitive chemical rockets!”  Major Salmonella’s compound eyes widened in
amazement and he would have looked shocked if cockroaches had more of a range of
facial expressions. “ Wow, I have never seen one of those spiders in person, just on those
documentaries on  weird  Cryptozoology  and myths , I thought those spiders and Elvis
Mellon’s home world of Earth  was just  made up  crap. Is it true those spiders feed on sound
waves and are made  out of some kind of silicate crystal that’s one of the hardest
substances in the universe?”  General Malaize nodded and twitched his antenna as he
produced another pastrami sandwich from a pouch hanging around his neck.

“Yes, those spiders feed on sound waves. Rocket fuel is the only actually physical thing they
ingest and that’s to get inebriated, which  I is sounding like a pretty good idea right about
now. I think I will need a few hundred gallons of sour beer to fortify me for that meeting with
Zor and those lizard sons of bitches!”  The general handed half of the pastrami sandwich to
the major with his front leg/appendage and the major gratefully accepted it. “I heard the
spiders don’t venture far from their home world anymore, what was that one doing with Elvis

The larger cockroach, the general, motioned with his head for the major to follow him into his
quarters where they could talk with more privately, he munched his half of the pastrami and
rye as and closed the door behind Major Salmonella . “The spider is a big one, as big as me,
and he looked  like he was carved out of translucent glass or amethyst crystal, he had this
kind of violet, purplish kind of hue and his name was  “Zik.” He had  two brothers working at
the space station asteroid where Elvis Mellon does his radio show. I am not sure how they
met but he and Elvis are best friends, and speaking of Elvis Mellon’s friends, according to the
Draco, one of them is working for the confederation special forces and he’s up on one of the  
asteroids or moons orbiting this planet. He’s another talking monkey from Earth, Colonel T.P
Sommo and apparently he is stationed at some kind of listening and observation post, code

It paid off getting Zor’s bridge bugged, and who better to do it then us bugs!”  The general’s
quarters were as messy as Colonel T.P Sommo’s were Spartan and immaculate, he was after
all a giant cockroach and they preferred garbage heaps and sewers and his private
quarters looked like the former. He settled onto a big pile of  junk and garbage and
motioned for the Major to do the same. “The confederation has been spying on us from that
dammed rock up there and this Colonel T.P Sommo  is good friends with Elvis Mellon and  
apparently Zor is convinced that Elvis and the spider and the rest of his crew are on their way
here aboard the Visigoth, that fancy smanchy ship that the Cybernetic children of the
ascendant built for him.”  The Major almost choked on his sandwich at that news. “I saw the
cybernetic children of the ascendant on that same show about Earth and the spiders, they
said a lot folks think their just a myth too but  I saw one of their giant world arc ships when I
was on vacation with my Parents,  the thing was the size of a whole solar system but Dad  
forgot his holo camera so we cant prove it!”  General  Malaize laughed pulled out two
cigars, offering one to the major. "This Colonel T.P Sommo is our ticket to Elvis Mellon and HE is
our ticket to the incredible technology  of the Cybernetic children of the Ascendent!!"  -To be
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